Dear Santa

I've been a good human being this year. I haven't invaded anyone's country,
knocked over any trash cans
loaded bunnies onto a rocket ship,
taken steroids to improve my home run percentage,
been traded to Denver for two first round picks and some scrubs,
zapped a lab animal with a new laser,
eaten brussel sprouts,
played World of Warcraft,
eaten at taco bell,
smacked a puppy for shitting on the rug,
eaten pizza while singing "Hey Jude",
given money to the poor,
used ebonics
read dianetics
fathered Katie Holmes child
created terrifying math problems to warp 5th graders minds with
picked up a box of cereal with a tiger on the front
punched jimmy in the belly
pinched Morgan on the heiny
downloaded any porn starring Jameson
watched one single episode of 30 Minute Meals
or called Rachel Ray a nice word
looked at Britney Spears vag shots and thought "maybe?"
.
.
.
etc
.
.
.

So in return for me being such a good boy this year I only ask for a ticket to either the Land of Make Believe or to a plane going somewhere very far away and sunny.

Thanks.

Your buddy,

k o w