Wednesday, May 31, 2006

What are you eating?

Ever sit there at lunch and wonder what exactly your putting into your body? Sure it looks like a sandwich but what if there's a dark magician who owns a deli somewhere? And what if that dark magician casts a spell that turns their victims into sandwiches and then sells them for public consumption?

So many questions only limited by the imagination.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Fuggo Movie Review: X-Men III

Let me preface this by saying I grew up reading the X-Men comic book. I stopped around the time I actually started getting laid and needed my money to start spending on things like dinners out, flowers, and the occasional 40oz. of Colt 45. Out went Wolverine and Storm, in came that hotty Betty with the big boobs and an ass that wouldn't quit.

So here I present my review for the film.

Juggernaut is not a mutant.
Mystique would never snitch.
Rogue would never want a cure.
and well this part they got right...
Cyclops is a pussy.

I was underwhelmed by this film. Kelsey Grammar looked like he should be franticly munching his way through a box of cookies instead of being a mutant cabinet member. In terms of pure action this movie is just about nonstop with uber amounts of mutant being splattered across the big screen. But as an "X-Men" movie this film stunk. X A V I E R- stunk!

C'mon now what a lame plot and story. Could they not mine the 25+ years of wonderful storytelling to come up with a decent story? No, instead they take a shit the size of Juggernaut's helmet all over the the X-men legacy.

Dear Marvel films, If I wanted to watch the OC I'll watch Fox. Instead they heap this weak, angsty love triangle of Kitt Pryde, Rogue, and Iceman onto us. And then as if they haven't beaten us with a mental shovel of shit enough they go and have.....


Rogue go and lose her power because she wants to touch Iceman. Lame.

Magneto comes off weak here. What's up with having him and his hordes hang out in tents? The man has the power to rip the Golden Gate up but cant form a single metal roof? Aww... cmon! Hey can anyone tell me what the fuck was the point in having Angel in this film? Really somebody tell me why he was included? There was no point to him. He flys in, he flys out. Thanks come again you idiot.

And the ending... that little spot after the credits.... if Moira McTaggert wasn't the hottest thing in a lab coat I would call it a total failure. More later... I'm still throwing up from this film.

Here's the Game

Start your comment with the next letter in the alphabet.

Yes it's a weak post but it was a long weekend. Plenty of pics and stories later on.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Phil the Groundhog

Walking onto the highway one fine day
was a little groundhog going his own way.
With a weeble wobble and a blank stare
he made his way across the road with much much care.

And then he heard the roar of an 01' Dakota.
Frightened was he that he was about to be run ova'.
The driver behind the wheel showed much compassion
and steered his truck away from him with great fashion.

Phil was safe, just one more road to cross.
The Dakota driver checked his mirror to see no one was lost.
Phil started over the next set of roadway.
The driver looked back to make sure he would be okay.
As Phil was halfway across the next road
a small Honda came racing , his future foretold.
It struck poor Phil, sent him a scurrying
into more traffic, no place for a burying.
The Dakota driver looked on in great dismay.
Because his new pal Phil had just gone away
No longer alive, never to see the light
Phil was now a pancake and it just isn't right.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

There are times when I wish I had a better camera. I'm not complaining because mine kicks a fair amount of tooshie but there are times like this when you wish you can just fine tune the focus a little more.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Musical Monday
Gnarls Barkley

Been banging around in my head the last 4 days non stop.

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Friday, May 19, 2006

7 Shirts, 2 Days

In packing this morning for the monthly weekend in Atlantic City I finally realized something, I pack like a girl. I've literally got 7 shirts packed for this upcoming weekend. What is that? It's silly really. A person should only need 3 shirts tops for 2 days away right? One is designated a back up just in case one of the others get stained or starts to smell. That's all a guy should need to pack right? Not me. Nope. Gotta have 7 friggin shirts even though I know I will only end up wearing 3 at most.

Well wait...
I do have the Brandywine Craft Brewer's Fest tommorow before I leave for the shore. That's easily going to be a 2 shirt affair as I'll probably have a long sleeve tee under a short sleeve one. As soon as I get down to A.C. it'll be another 2 shirts to change into before I hit the poker tables around 10 pm.

So were up to 4 shirts already.

Then Sunday will probably be at least a one shirt day, possibly 2. If we decide to hit the Cape May County Zoo the stink from the camels will force me to change before I head home. That brings the total to 6 shirts with one still in reserve for emergency use. 7 shirts, 2 days.

Yeah your probably saying this fugger thinks shit out too much. And you'd be right. But your probably the person asking to borrow a shirt from me during the next trip we take together.

We hit post #400 sometime next week. If you would like to guest write it shoot me an email on it. I'm opening this bitch up to someone else this one time only.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

HNT: Hey Nice Tree

Ever heard of a Strangler Tree? Neither did I but what this type of tree/vine does is grow it's roots around another tree eventually strangling it. Wacky isn't it. What you see in the pic is an opening in the strangler showing whats left of the other tree inside. Pretty cool huh.

Yeah I know it's not the HNT you expected but I don't care, this is what I wanted to show.

EDIT: Here's a link to my first one. My naked ass has been on this site aplenty. Happy Anniversary out to Osbasso on this feat.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Fish Food

The thing about piranha is that they can't bite you while your roasting them over an open fire after a long day's hike through the rain forest . A little salt and pepper makes their flesh pretty damn tasty. They go well with some fresh cooked plantains and some Xingu.

Fishing for them is easy enough. Using simple earthworms as bait you can get them on your line fairly easy. Unhooking them though is a whole other experience. Pliers work as does flinging the fish around trying to shake it off. I decided to use pliers. When fishing for them I used a bobber as I didn't want to hook one of the gigantic catfish known to haunt the river. Of course I was told that the best giant catfish bait is actually a dead small pirahna. Maybe I should keep the little toothy bastard on the line then?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Sluts, the Pub, and Cocaine

I just got done writing a five paragraph story on my local pub and the recent addition of some sluts who love their cocaine. It was a good post but I felt it was rather long so instead here's a much shorter synopsis.

  • Young women come into bar and proceed to bum drinks off of geeks and old men in bar. They drink free.
  • Me and guys at other end of bar think this is the greatest show in the world.
  • Sluts start making out with one another in bar.
  • Both go into bathroom. Older woman comes out saying their doing cocaine in there.
  • One young slut comes out of restroom yelling and removes older woman's wig.
  • Sluts make out with one another more.
  • Older woman slugs one of the younger sluts in the mouth.
  • Hilarity ensues as the far end of the bar turns into a Three Stooges episode.
  • Me and the guys buy another round while bartender wraps older womans hand in ice.
  • Sluts are removed from the bar and thrown out into a thundering downpour.

Friday, May 12, 2006


I have this friend who is really considering just throwing away his well paying job that comes complete with benefits, a swanky desk, and all the water he could possibly drink in a day to start back to school full time in the fall and finish his degree instead of earning it part time at night.

He will be poorer, eating little more than salad, canned ravioli, and ramen noodles while also cutting back on his entertainment fund. He will be busier than ever with classes and probably working at night in a warehouse to make ends meet. This is a positive of sorts. It will provide him with a paycheck and health benefits as well as a decent, consistent workout. They way he has this all planned out now it will last just over a year at which time he will finally have his prized possession, a sheet of paper stating he's a Bachelor of something.

A little birdy flew by his window the other day and started chatting with him. He's always been a lover of travel and with his proposed new direction he could take off whenever he'd like to far away lands and new adventures. This picqued his interest greatly. He then went to some random back water website he rambles on daily and read the quote at the far bottom right of the screen. He reads it everyday but on this day it spoke to him. On this day he decided that now was the time to catch the wind. To experience everything this planet has to offer to him while he is still young and stupid enough to use ignorance as an excuse. On this day he decided that yes he will walk away from his comfy chair on the 6th floor of his building which he leaves every night to go to class so that he may pursue that expensive piece of paper he so desperately needs for validation of his actions over the last 4 years.

Certainly there will be hardship ahead but then he's never done anything the easy way. The decision is now made. Freedom comes along when the calendar is turned to the third week of August in 2006. The future is just 13 months ahead of that.

A Trip to the Farm

I cannot figure out how to get this You Tube video embedded here on the site so instead I suggest you just click HERE for a video that had tears coming from my eyes. I'd never heard of Wonder Showzen before.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Beer League

I can't wait to see this fucking movie.

This trailer is not work safe.
Or child safe.
Or pony safe.
Or even meat and potatoes safe.

Huh? Neat! Thursday.

It's true you know. Each toilet in Brazil is equipped with a speaker. When you flush the toilet the computer inside plays salsa music through the speaker celebrating your recent movement. That's worthy of a thumbs up!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dear Reader

You know who you are and thus be warned. I'm going to show up to your house on Friday and throw tacos through you bedroom window.
That is all.

Secret Mustard

Preface: You haven't had a soft pretzel until you've eaten a Philly soft pretzel.

Setting: Pretzel shop around the corner from authors mansion. ;)
Wednesday, 5/10/06, 8:10 a.m.

Me: One pretzel please.
Pretzel Vendor: Fifty cents.
Do you have any mustard?
Sure do, yellow, spicy, grey poupon, or the secret mustard
Secret mustard?
What's in it?
That's the secret, wanna try it.
I usually don't experiment with mustards so early in the morning but it's Wednesday.
Exactly what?
Well it's Wednesday, no better day to try a new mustard.
Now that's my kinda logic.
Here it is.
Thanks (starts to squirt secret mustard onto pretzel, takes bite) Wow that's good mustard!
Tell me about it.
What's the secret?
Do you really want to know?
Your not going to tell me a cat pissed in it right?
(laughing) umm.. no.
Well then have at it my man.
It's just all three mustards combined into one bottle.
By Odin's Beard!
By Odin's Beard my friend.

This was easily the best mustard I have ever eaten on a pretzel, Wednesday is starting out great!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I am a Grill Whore

Oh yes I love anything that burns charcoal and wood and lets me cook on top of them. With the death of my smoker over the winter I needed to get something new. My little hibachi has been filling in for the last couple of weeks but last night I spotted this bad boy and fell in love.
Remember boys and girls, just say no to propane.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Name the Babies Contest

Hey there animal lovers, the Philadelphia Zoo is holding a contest to name their triplet baby black and white ruffed lemurs. The names recommended in the contest are awful if you ask me.
Huey, Dewey, Apollo, and Louie sounds awfully similar to Donald Duck's nephew threesome and their ducks not lemurs!
Now while I did vote for names I think it would be better off if we here in Internet Land gave them other names. So let's here what you would call three baby lemurs if you had the choice to do it.
My early choices for names:
Prince Nana

Musical Monday, 5/8/06: Insomniac's Soundtrack

I fell asleep early and woke up around 12:00 am unable to fall back asleep. I noticed it was Monday and then I remembered WDKY's Musical Monday was today. So in keeping with the trend that is sweeping Blogland like a thunderous storm I present to you this week a song from one of my favorite bands of all time. I routinely play this song at night to put me asleep.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dire Straits and "So Far Away"

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

HNT- In Search of Blanka

I am still hunting down the Blanka. When I find him it will be a fight like no other.
This is not me in the photo.
It is tough to paddle and take a photo at the same time.
Thus far no sign of the Amazons and I remain in possession of the spoon.

And Remember...

Always bring sunscreen with you on vacation

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Send Aloe Vera.
Sunburned badly.
Fuck me.