Friday, September 30, 2005

Name the movie, win something

We haven't had a contest here in over 2 weeks and that's a damn shame. I blame it on all the women in the blogophere posting hot little stories and me taking photos of my awesome backside.

Name this movie and you could be today's big winner of nothing but a typed pat on the back from me personally. I can't give any hints but if you recognize this scene you'll know the movie instantly.

Throughout the day I will post more pictures from the film if there isn't a correct answer early on.

Good luck.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

What next?

With the recent debut onto the Half Naked Thursday scene I started thinking about what I could possibly do for next week and then it dawned on me, a stupid dick joke like those in the show "Puppetry of the Penis."

If you've never heard of the show you'd better wait to click that link until you get home. I went to see it last year and I gotta admit it was funny. Basically what it is is 2 guys naked on stage playing with their cocks for an hour. The bend it, twist it, just about everything it all for the pleasure of the crowd. They throw in a couple of real bad dick jokes along the way as well and before you know it it's over.

When I went to see it I sat there thinking I could do everything they could and more with my love rocket. I could easily do all the stupid dick tricks they could and more that I had come up with over the years. I could definitely tell better jokes and I'm in much better shape than the performers themselves. Dammit why didn't I think about getting naked and playing with my dick in front of a live audience? I'd be the one selling out everynight sleeping with whatever lucky lady from the audience I decided to pick up while doing the show. Oh well, they we beat me to it. But I don't think they blog. So what I'm thinking for the next HNT is a stupid dick joke and take this whole idea to a whole new level.

I promised her dinner...

Me: "So what's for dinner Friday?"
Her: "What are you making?"
"How about I bend you over the kitchen table and..."
"Ooh that does sound good"
"But I could certainly whip up something edible if ya like for afterwards?"
"I love everything you make, I'll eat whatever you put on my plate."
So what ends up on her plate come Friday night?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Half Nekkid Thursday presents...

That is my sweet ass. I threw the negative filter on there as I felt my shapely bottom stood out better. Ok confession time I'm really a smurf that glows in the dark with a great ass.

After looking at the original I declare that I have a better ass than most of the women I know. It's f*cking hot, firm yet supple and looks great in my jeans. So from this day forward Sept 29th is officially known as "Ass Day" here on Fuggo.

Here's a link about how all this nekkidness started.

Tommorow's Nekkid Thursday

With tommorow being the day when a bunch of Bloggers show skin I'm wondering if I should do the same? Problem is I started growing back my winter coat on my chest and right now it looks pretty, well hairy. So do I take it back down again to it's summer time glossiness or throw up a pic of my semi-sasquatch look?

In other news items for the day...

Well actually there aren't any. I could blog about how I plan on roasting a pumpkin within the next week or so for a pumpkin ale I'll be brewing soon. I could speak on length about how I just cashed in 2 weeks of vacation money and how I plan on investing it, drinking it, or throwing it at women.

See I haven't been to a gentlemen's club in over a year probably closer to 2. The last time I was the first girl to give me a lap dance asked me into the back room. So away I went with her to a private "suite" where she began to rub everything on me. Hell she was rubbing spots I had that not even I knew I existed. She's tearing me apart when she turns around and asks me if I want another girl to join her. "Hell yeah baby" were my exact words and she called over this Barbie doll wannabe with her hair up in pony tails. Now I've got 2 incredibly hot strippers making out while each of them grinded on one of my 2 legs while I fondled their breasts like a dairy farmer. After watching this for 30 seconds a thought popped into my head..."How are you going to pay for this? I'm looking at easy $150 for this show" It could wait I said to myself and I went back to enjoying the show. After they finished the asked me if I wanted any extras? "No thanks, how much do I owe ya?" I replied. See I never sleep with strippers after what happened to my buddy Jim but that's a story for another time. "$40" "What are you kidding me?" I thought with a big ass grin on my face. "Or we'll both f*ck you for coke." "Hmmm" I thought. These chicks were trying to score coke and I guess I looked like a guy who had some. "Sorry ladies but that sh!t is for the weak, I get high on snarmo." and with that I paid my $40. They had this confused look on their face. "Snarmo?" I heard the one say as I walked away with a grin on my face. I completely made that word up in the moment without missing a beat and they bought it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Sex or Money?

I've been asked to work the door at a show in New York this coming Saturday night. It's going to pay well, I'll be fed, and honestly it's an easy buck. The only down side is that it's a real long day on my feet.

I've also been promised an entire day of sex for Saturday. I'd have to skip making the money but I would get off aplenty. I've been assured I would be fed, and I'd be on my back more than my feet. Plus I've been promised a massage.

So what do I do people? Go to N.Y. and get paid lots of money to stand at a door and throw people out of a club or stay in Philly and get laid all day long?

Monday, September 26, 2005


My fellow Americans,

This fall I will be playing the President of the United States in my new show "Commander in Chief" on ABC. I'd like to take this moment to comment on the fact that I cannot move my upper jaw. Go ahead and watch me the next time you see me on your television. My upper teeth, lips, and gums do not move an inch when I talk. Go ahead and look it's freaky. You'll never watch one show with me again without noticing.

But be careful I'm deadly with a bow. Like a ninja named Chompy.
*We here at FUGGO wish Ms Davis all the best. Really we do. She can put an arrow in our ass from 300 ft.

China to receive new condoms

Thanks Kurt for the link.

Ok everyone go get your Clinton and Lewinsky condoms.

Now I wouldn't want anything that even refers to a Lewinsky near my favorite appendage. I mean not that these rubbers aren't going to do their job. But let's face it Lewinsky is absolutely perfect to keep me uninterested in sex. Lewinsky = no sex.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Cock & Balls


It's Sunday.

Friday, September 23, 2005

"Come on down!"

Rod Roddy had called my name! Fuck yeah and I raced down to contestants row to begin bidding on some fantastic chinaware and a new silverware set. "$750" I yelled when Bob Barker asked me what I thought the actual retail price was. After asking the three losers to my left he said "and the actual retail price is $760, (k o w) you win! Fuck yeah!

So I'm up on stage with Bob. I act like I'm going to kiss him on his cheek and when I lean in I instead tap him on the ass. Bob's eyes widen as he begins to tell me I'm about to play Plinko. "Fuck" I say but this is the game fate has dealt me. So I play the easy little pricing game to earn my chips and away I go to the top of the gameboard. With lights now beating down on my skull with a heat only seconded by the sun I look to the crowd to see where I should drop my first chip. "Left", "Right", "Up" these fucking morons have no clue so I lay the chip down and it lands in the $5,000 slot. Fuck yeah! 3 more chips, 3 more landings in the same slot. $20,0000 for dropping a a silly chip down a board.

I'm escorted back stage where I'm lead into a lounge fully stocked with liquor to await my turn at the big wheel thingy game. Right on! 30 minutes pass and they call me, Susan from Kansas, and Tom from USC out to the stage. They spin first. Susan goes over a dollar because she got greedy. She could have stayed at 70 cents and been alright. Tom get's 85 cents on his first spin and is quite happy. I get up there and on my first spin you guessed it $1! "Bonus spin motherfucker" and I point Tom from USC off stage with a look reserved only for coked up professional wrestlers. I miss on the bonus spin but that's okay as Bob just told me I'm in the showcase showdown at the end of the show.

Back into the lounge I go. One of Barker's Beauties comes up to me and asks if I can help her snap her bikini. Of course I help and she shoots me a look begging for more. She'll get it after the show but I suspect I'm going to need alot of money.

Showcase showdown time. Myself and Emily, the little old white lady originally from Krakow but now of Dothan, Alabama are the only 2 left. I'm going to destroy her. She won a car her first time up so she goes first and has the option to bid or pass. After watching her showcase she decides to bid $37,000 for a trip to Morrocco, a grand piano, and waterskis. Fucking idiot and I tell her that even though they cut my mic. Now I'm up, first up is a new washer and dryer, next is a trip to Lake Tahoe, and lastly a car! A brand new Honda Accord. Sure it's got 4 doors but I'll take it. Now it's time for me to bid. Seeing as how the dope next to me grossly outbid I tell Bob in a jovial voice $1.

I win. She went over. Sure I was off by $24,000 but who cares. The models come to hug me while Bob controls the pet population. Life is good and then suddenly I hear the alarm clock. Fuck it's Friday morning and this was all a dream.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Why all the strange looks?

Well it's 2:10 pm here in sunny Philadelphia and I just realized why everyone was looking at me strangely and snickering as I walked away. I've had my pants zipper down all day. Gotta love co-workers who let you walk around with your cock half hanging out.

Good thing I had clean underwear on ----->

Just sitting here wondering....

How do they get people to buy water for a $1.25?

What would happen if insects just decided to say fuck it and all join up to attack mankind?

If anyone has ever built a fort out of Froot Loops for their GI Joes like when I did as a kid?

How many people is it going to take to change the filters in my office's vent. I mean there's already 3 guys here looking at it scratching their heads.

Should I tell these fuckheads that I did HVAC for 10 years on the weekends and would of had it fixed in 5 minutes if this joint wasn't a union site?

How many people on that plane with the fucked up landing gear tried to sleep with the person next to them on the way down so they could go out with a bang.

What would happen if there was no 2% milk?

Would people suddenly go back to whole milk?

Is there anyone really reading beyond this point?

Should I go fishing this weekend?

Or close up the pool?

I could just sleep in and have sex before breakfast?

Should I do it without a rubber?

What the hell am I going to mix with that Cherry Limeade?


Should I get back to work here?

Or leave at lunch and go to Atlantic City to play poker and skeeball?

Poker or Skeeball?

Are you the reader naked?

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

3,000th Hit! and Cherry Limeade!

Fuggo's a shoe in for the hall of fame now. It recorded it's 3,000th hit this morning sometime and I couldn't be happier for the little blog of nonsense.

In reality the thing has been up since June of 04' and I started keeping track of total hits just this past August so who knows how many I missed if I was keeping track all that time. Frankly though probably not that many since the early days of the blog were pretty dull. No sex talk, no videogames, not anything really. But since I started publishing it every weekday I've received 3,000 hits and I'd like to thank you all for stopping by and reading.

In other news I picked up a carton of Minute Maid's Cherry Limeade last night. Now I'm a whore for regular Limeade drinking it whenever I get the chance so I picked this stuff up to try it out. As soon as you open the stuff you get smacked in the senses by cherry aroma. Yeesh! I thought as I poured it into my glass while watching nip/tuck . The taste was goofy. Sure it had cherry in it but it tasted like that cheap cherry flavor you'd find in dollar store cherry candy. There was lime flavor in it for sure but the cherry was so overpowering that it really didn't matter.

In the end I finished the glass. The rest of the carton is sitting on the door in my fridge and it may be there a while. Of course I could find something to do to it. Something violent, funny, or just downright weird and then blog about it. Hmmm...

I got it! Here's your chance readers. Give me an idea about how to dispose of this carton of cherry limeade and I'll do my best to fulfill that request.

Man Eater

EDIT: This has now been proven as a fraud! I knew it was too damn good to be true. A giant gator swimming through the streets of NOLA eating the remains of humans and animals. The person who sent it to me is claiming on the phone that she received it from the Philadelphia Zoo which I know is bullshit because I would have gotten the email too. My apologies, but the pics are still pretty cool to look at.
Here check it out over at snopes:

Thanks go out to LonestarGal for pointing that out.

This little guy was killed by the Army this past Sunday in New Orleans after they found him swimming around.

At 21' long, 4500 lbs, and approximately 80 years old minimum it's believed he was feasting on human and animal remains since he was too old to catch live prey.
That is one big fucking reptile! Could you imagine running into that thing swimming through what used to be your front yard? And this can't be the only one wandering around down there. It's a thought that never even crossed my mind until I saw these pics.

They are going to be opening up his body this coming Friday to see what's inside. It's currently being stored in the freezer of the Azur Hotel.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


nip/tuck's 3rd season debuts tonight.

Back to nonsense

I've got an idea for a great party. People arrive to find everything in the place covered in plastic except for the bar, the dinner table, and of course the 4 pie tables. There would be a countdown clock ticking down to 1:30 am with a sign underneath saying that that is the time to throw pies. People would be plenty drunk by them and with but minutes left in the countdown they would all start to secure their place around one of the pie tables.

Now the pies are nothing more than tin pie pans and whipped cream. Maybe a little pudding in the base of them for weight but that's about it. I'm thinking the pudding would be necessary to really get the things moving in the air.

So 1:30 comes and the next thing you know pies are flying everywhere. People are getting smashed left and right by pies while trying to hold on to their drinks. Just think how great it would feel to smash a pie into the face of that bitch who used to sleep with your man. How dare she show up to this party. She's getting a face full of vanilla and your delivering it. How about smashing a pie into your neighbors ear. That's what he gets for keeping his dog outside all night waking up the entire neighborhood with it's barking.

The pie fight goes until theres no pie left and all the spare whipped cream canisters are empty. Now everyone is covered in sweet tasting cream drunk off their asses. Maybe now is the time to make a pass at that chick in the pink top? Maybe this is the moment where you finally get a chance lick cream off of the girl three doors up who just moved in. The possibilities are endless. Sure the clean up is going to suck but the party was a blast, it was unique, and you got to smash somebody in the face and not be sued for it.

Pie fight parties rock. I'm going to plan one now.

Author's note:
I was just thinking about clothing and it getting ruined. Here's a couple of options:
1. You could have everyone strip down to their undies.
2. You could have everyone put on a trash bag. Just cut out for the arms and head.
3. Tell everyone to wear crappy clothes and have them change after the pie fight.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Maybe it was the beer? She came sasschaying through the crowd with a beer in her hand destined for my lips. I watched her in slow motion as she asked me " Want a beer?". "Sure" I responded and I took a long chug from the frosted mug that was now in my hands. Putting it down onto the stage in front of me I took her into my arms and pressed my lips againt hers. Hard, wet, and wide open our mouths met and immediately became so entangled that we are still untangling ourselves from them today.

I was only going there for a bikini contest. The guys from work being the geeks they were needed somebody to help them out and who better than (k o w) to help out them out in their endeavors? We arrived at the bar and began to knock back 99 cent brews like they tasted good. They didn't but the effect was in full effect. My job was to get these guys tail. Introduce them to some ladies, start up some small talk and then be gone leaving behind enough material that even those losers could weave a tall tale good enough for future generations.

I continued to get to know her better throughout the night. Once up on stage I called her up while I was filling in for vocals to make out with me during the guitar solo in "November Rain". See that was one advantage to being known in Philly as a top flight front man, bands would ask
you up on stage to do a spot when they saw you in the crowd.

Anyway I made out with her the rest of the night. She came out a couple of nights later to see me doing stand up and then followed me to Barnes and Knobles where I was doing a poetry reading the same night. I had coffee with her over a piece of carrot cake and wonder to this day how the piece of cake ended up on the Bush supporters mink coat?

? ? ?

She's crying...

.... in her back office. The door isn't closed and she's too tired to get up and close it. She crys everyday now for various reasons. Her son just moved back in with his 2 daughters. He hasn't been able to hold a job for longer than 6 months and has never gotten above the stock clerk level. The mother of his children has had two children with other men and couldn't give a shit what happens to her daughters so long as they don't get in the way of her next fix. Her son buys himself new baseball equipment even though the girls need school clothing. And he has a problem with paying her $150 a week for rent for him and the 2 girls food and bills included.

Her father just moved in with her as he's had a relapse with cancer. He's going to start undergoing chemo treatments next week and is going to need transportation to and from the treatment center. Maybe she can get him there after she drops the girls off at school? He's still giving money every week to the prostitute that moved in with him 7 years ago. She was bringing johns back to the house to smoke crack after she got done fucking them. She would beat him mercilessly, stealing his money and selling everything of value in his home. It's a blessing almost that he's sick since now she can watch over him.

To top it all off the man that has been living with her for 15 years is little to no help. Crippled by smoking he pulls his tank with him wherever he goes. Constantly arguing with her deadbeat son and ailing father he constantly threatens to leave her. He came to her after living with his mother for 48 years. After she passed he had no where to go and started spending time at her place after her divorce. She couldn't let him leave as he would have no where to go. But she can't keep him in this house with everyone else as it creates nothing but conflict.

So she comes to work everyday. After she drops her grandaughters off at school handing them what little lunch money she has to offer them. She comes to work everyday after she drops her father off to receive his treatment wishing she could stay to hold his hand. She comes to work everyday wondering if the man she's come to love will be there when she gets home. She comes to work everyday not only because she has to provide for all of them but to escape.

Besides it's the only place where she has time to cry.


I was just goofing around with some of the settings here and I lost my last 2 posts.
One had to do about my member and it's length, the other one commenting on how today is "International Talk Like a Pirate Day." Both were pretty good posts too.

one hundred fifty

Well I was going to post pictures of me making a sandwich but I left the USB cord to my camera back home so ummm... no sandwich for you.

I didn't have sex this weekend. That sucked. We were literally running non-stop all weekend long and when we'd get home our allergies would begin to kick our asses. So we took Benadryl, 2 each to be precise and laid down. A little touchy and kissy got us on our way but before we knew it it was 7 am the next day. The meds knocked us out cold. So instead of getting naked we instead just fell asleep in each others arms on the couch.

In other site news I just scored 587 on the X-bot/Helicopter game lovingly provided by Check the sidebar to the right for the link and enjoy. If anyone breaks 1500 I'll print them a FUGGO t-shirt as soon as the final designs are done. Who am I kidding? There are no fucking T-Shirt designs. I would probably end up printing the logo above here on to an iron-on and ship it out that way. Which isn't bad considering all someone had to do was avoid running my avatar into a wall.

Friday, September 16, 2005

One more to #150

It's hard for me to realize this but since it's inception in June of 04' I've posted 149 posts including this one here on this little site. That amazes me.

I've always enjoyed writing. In grade school I couldn't do math for shit but I loved English class. The written word has always carried a romance with me and with this blog I've been able to find an outlet for it not previously available.

You gotta love the intergeek. 10 years ago if you wanted to share your thoughts you wrote a letter and mailed it into a newspaper's editorial section hoping you would get printed. I once wrote into Playboy's advisor asking about the harmful effects, if any, about a girl going down on you while she had vodka and a breath mint in her mouth. I never got a response, but of course that was 1995.

Nowadays we can post whatever pops in our skull here and have people we have never met nor probably ever will comment on it. Ain't that great? I think so. It sure makes that purchase of my laptop all the more justified.

So onto post #150. If this were a comic book I'd probably kill a character. If it were a daytime soap I'd have Tad lose his head in a freak perfume experiment while Martina looked on in a near orgasmic shock. See her and Bethany were long at odds over Tad and his affections. Seeing how she walked in on the two of them making out during last Tuesday's episode she went nuts and now laced the perfume with an explosive. Don't worry though, Bethany's baby isn't Tad's, it's Antonio's. But he's away right now (real life hernia surgery, out 2-3 weeks) so she'll have to make due without him.

Post # 150 is coming. I should invite the Pope to dinner and write about that. Wonder if he'll meet me in the French Quarter for a beer once it reopens?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

By request...

Tell me about your 21st Birthday.

My birthday is January 2nd so I had been celebrating it everyday since
Christmas. The night of my birthday I was drunk but not obliterated. My buddies
dropped me off at my place around 4 am and I went straight to bed. I had an old
row home that I rented by myself and my bedroom was in the back of the house.
So I'm laying there in bed half asleep staring at the ceiling when all of a
sudden I hear a metal clang on my bedroom floor. Now I was the only one home.
Being that it was January my windows were shut as was my bedroom door. Kinda
freaked I get up and walk across the room to turn on the light. When I turn
around I could see this metal object lying directly in the middle of my floor. I
went over picked it up and it was a Shaeffers beer bottle opener from 1932.
"Cool" I thought so I placed it on my end table and went to sleep.
Next morning I went over to my mom's place for breakfast. I showed her the
bottle opener and told her the story. She recognized the opener. It looked just
like one my grandfather carried with him. Even weirder was the date. My
grandfather would have turned 21 in 1932. She asked how I really got it and I
stated that it just dropped in my room the night before, creating a sound loud
enough to get me up. She looked freaked and now I was too.
To end the story I have to give a little background. My grandfather was a drunk.
When I turned 18 he took a bad turn in regards to cancer so I took daily care of
him for the final 3 months of his life. The day he passed away I was assisting
him back into bed with the help of a hospice nurse. When we laid him down he
began to look right at me. My eyes became transfixed with his. My grandfather
was dying right before my very eyes. He stared at me as the final breath left
him. His hand near me fell and I immediately knew he was gone. I wasn't scared
though. Instead a feeling of comfort came over me and it's a feeling I'll never
So in closing once my uncles had seen the bottle opener they were convinced that
my grandfather had visited me on my 21st and gave me his bottle opener. It now
hangs above my bar and I open every beer with it. I would carry it on my key
chain but I fear losing it.

I bake now

I have this friend who has really nice boobs who recently became a Tastefully Simple demonstrator even though she has next to no skill in a kitchen. So she called in the calvary last night to help her prep for her first party this coming weekend. I'm a madman in the kitchen able to whip up a meal with just about anything you throw at me. I'm going on Iron Chef as soon as they invite me. Any way to get me over to her place She bribed me with free Beer Bread. A blowjob would have gotten me there too but the girlfriend would probably say something about that.

I showed up and showed her how to do such things as:
How to turn on the oven.
Basic Mixing
What a bread pan looks like.
How to melt butter in a microwave.
The differences between a wheat beer and an American lager.
For my efforts I got a loaf of beer bread , all the lemonade I could drink and multiple brushes of my arm against her boobs.
I'm also getting a jar of salsa because I demanded it.

I'm eating the bread right now and I gotta admit it's pretty tasty.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I gotta apologize

These last 2 posts have been disgusting to look at. I actually had better idea for posts. Some involved the P&V relationship. Some involved me putting flame to various pieces of meat run through with metal rods. I actually was going to throw some of my poetry at your asses but I'm extremely shy about that side of me and thusly will not share it unless incessantly prodded. Besides it's nearly Vogonic.

I could have talked about past loves an me running through cemetaries naked. I guess I could have wrote something about the time when I was 17 and had to carry my drunk girlfriend home over my shoulder from the park while getting yelled at by an old woman who hated my guts. You see this old woman had 4 cats that did nothing but piss all over the porch of my childhood home. So to prevent them from doing it I put out mothballs knowing that they were lethal to felines. Well a week later two of her cats were dead, poisoned. She tried to file charges but the mothballs were on my porch and therfore not breaking any laws. I know for a fact that if she had a cat like the one to the right here I would have needed a bazooka to take the thing down.

Anyway I got my girlfriend home that night safely. She had too much Zima to drink I guess and couldn't walk back to her house. She thanked me with a kiss on the cheek and tapped my bottom before sneaking into her house through the porch window.

So in conclusion I guess I sorta blogged about something here. I did touch on running through a cemetary naked once. I was 17 and wanted to see this girls boobs in the worse way without having to buy her dinner. So being the exhibitionist that I am I told her I'd strip nude and run through a local cemetary if she would go topless for 10 minutes once we got back to my place. I ran, she got topless, and my buddies viewing through front window got the greatest free show a teenage boy could get.

2 Straight Days of Disgusting

I'm on a roll!
Write up a good caption for this photo!
Win nothing!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Joining the Trend

Since Andy and Dave are displaying their physiques I decided to show mine.

Here's a pic from my last competition.


I heard this term the other day and didn't really think anything of it until now.

All I know is that I want a giant gorilla statue for my back yard now. Something like those giant fiberglass animals that roam miniature golf courses across our great nation. I was actually in the process once of buying an 8 foot tall fiberglass polar bear once. A local mini golf was closing and they were trying to get rid of all the statues. I would have gone for the hippo but I really didn't have room for it. The giraffe kinda looked like Abe Lincoln and the zebras all had holes in their ass thanks to mischievous young golfers. The polar bear was in pretty good shape and would be in my back yard today. Instead I was beat to the punch by the guys from Jackass. You know Bam Margera, Johnny Knoxville, Pontius, etc... Yeah well when they were filming the movie down the road they did a segment at the golf course where my polar bear was. In the film you see them riding a golf cart right into my bear smashing it. With it went my dream of having a giant fiberglass polar bear in my backyard.

Look at Kelly Monaco below. Damn I wish there was a way to post that pic on the right side menu here.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Real Quick

Our girl Kelly Monaco was on Howard Stern today. Here's proof...

Now if you'll excuse me...

Who's f*#king who?

Dinner parties with friends always make for interesting debates. This past weekend was no different. Me and Ms. M went out with 2 other couples for dinner and a movie. While enjoying dessert the question "Is the person on top always the the one doing the fucking?" pops out of a certain blog authors mouth.

Now hear me out. The person on top is almost always the one doing most of the action. In just about every position whether it be missionary, doggystyle, or (insert your favorite position here) the person on top is the one "stuuping" the other. The person on bottom is moving but just enough to hit the right spot to to further enhance the pleasure of the act.

Now at the table the 3 women in attendance agreed that my theory is not true. "Rubbish" one of them threw out. They argued that the person on bottom is f*#king the person just as well. This debate went on for 30 minutes and continued well into the parking lot. I told them all I'd post it here for debate so here it is.

Today's discussion topic:
Should the person on top be considered the fucker while the person on the bottom the fuckee?

Friday, September 09, 2005

SPAM Contest

We who blog have all been a victim. For example:

Hey, I was just wandering around your site and I think it's nifty. I like to eat hotdogs and found a great way to make the experience even more fun with my new Octodog. I love to write about it on my blog, hotdogs are my passion, lol

So I'm holding a contest for this weekend. Whoever comes up with the funniest fake spam comment will win a prize. What that prize will be I'm not sure. It could be coupons, pictures of half naked women, or a recipe for my famous chocolate stout milk shake. It'll be something and it'll be worth at least half the effort you put out.

Best of luck to all who reply.

You almost had me...

A reader lovingly reminded me just now via email that if you had clicked on one of the links on the right here you would have found out exactly how good looking I am. Well that picture has been removed and I'm editing that page to keep up with the anonymity here. The internet is a dangerous place with the advent of photoshop as they so lovingly displayed to me. Good job.

In other news: Lindsay Lohan has officially hit rock fucking bottom. I can't wait to wipe my feet on her. I mean look at how fucking busted she looks in the pic here. She used to be such a hot lil piece of ass and now she's a bleached, cum stained little whore with bad breath and no tits. Maybe thats what all us guys are pissed off about. The fact that she lost those two big scoops of vanilla ice cream on her chest. Oh well fuck it, her 25 minutes are almost up and in ten years she'll be in Playboy while attempting to make a comeback on Broadway in Madame Butterfly.

Hummina Whoomina?

That was his response when he was asked "So were you thinking about how you use to fuck me? How we'd give each other head for hours on end while knocking back 2-3 bottles of cheap wine? When are we going to do it again?"

"Hummina Whoomina?" he replied not quite believing what he had just heard. He hadn't stuck any part of himself into any part of her in close to 8 years. Was she just innocently flirting with him knowing full well he'd fire something back or did she really mean it? Completely confused he responded "You wish." Four long seconds of silence followed to be broken with "You know what I do. I wish I was the one going to the shore in your passenger seat. I wish I was the one having coffee in bed with you on a crisp fall morning by the sea. One more time for old times sake?" He knew better though and told her to go buy a sack of bananas.

After hanging up with her he wanted to punch himself in the balls. Here was a hot chick who was throwing herself at him looking for nothing more than some head and a stick-it-in and he told her to go buy a bag of bananas. "What a fucking tool!" his cock yelled at him. He was telling the first woman he had ever rode bare back to look elsewhere. The first woman who let him leave a deposit behind was now hitting him over the head with a sack of dimes to come over to "play rummy" their code word for a late night meeting.

Two days later he mentioned this phonecall with her to an old friend of his who was around 8 years prior. "Dude you know she had a kid in June and the baby's father skipped town right?" No he didn't and with that the brief temptation was put out like a dog who had just pissed on the rug.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Is this wrong?

Read this story:

Now a part of me says this is a despicable act yet another side of me says it's about time.

Share your thoughts.

Yip yip yip yip....

Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip uh-huh, uh huh.

Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip, uh huh!

Boy wasn't that a complete waste of time and space. These puppets would annoy the living shit out of me on Sesame Street. They would come onto the screen and the show would screech to a halt. All they would do is bobble around repeating that same shit over and over. Man they fucking sucked.

You know who else bugged me?, that lil blue guy who would always bitch to Grover about a fly in his soup, or his noodles were to cold. This fuck would constantly have poor Grover running his ass off, ignoring his other customers, and always using that bullshit "I only have a half hour for lunch" excuse. Why Grover just didn't turn around and slit this lil blue fuckers throat is beside me. I'm sure there's tapes up there in Hensonville of the performers using the puppets to act out more mature material. If they do I sure hope theres a tape of Grover telling this puppet to bend over while he proceeds to shoot ketchup up the hand slot. All hat would be left is red liquid running from the puppets insides making it look like a murder scene. That would be great.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

At lunch today

As I was walking out today at lunch to grab some Chinese food I came across a woman having an argument with a trash can. Not just any argument mind you but an argument where she was actually breaking up with it for cheating on her. "You cheating motherfucker" she would repeat while pointing at the trash can. "How could you do this to me?" screaming into the trash can. Now I'm sure this particular trash can didn't sleep around on her. It's next to impossible I suppose unless this burned out crack whore smelled cat piss on the can. After about 5 minutes of yelling (believe me I stood there for it too) she finally got so pissed off that she kicked "the cheating motherfucker" into the street where he was smashed by a passing UPS truck. As she walked away passing me she stated "I taught that fucker not to mess with me!" You sure did crack whore, you sure did.

I ordered Wonton Soup while still laughing.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Where do you blog from?

I was just asked via IM about where I do most of my blogging? Well sweetheart if you really need to know then this one's for you.

I invite all of my readers to post a picture of where you do most of your blogging. Consider it a game.

Help out Katrina's Victims

Go forth and spread the word. The site below was created by a couple of guys up in Massachusetts in order to help the victims of Katrina find a roof to sleep under. Click the pic for details.

Donate Housing - Find Housing

Monday, September 05, 2005

Somethings you just happen upon...

In the middle of nowhere in northeast PA theres an old mining town. Constructed of nothing but concrete these old buildings have long been abandoned. Now the area serves as a satanic worship site, drinking spot, fuckshack galore for young (and probably older) lovers, firing range, ATV track, and make shift paintball field.

Here's a couple of pics I took out of close to 100. I'm not going to display some of the more horrid things I came across. Halloween is right around the corner.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Admit Your Songs

This morning a radio station here in Philly was discussing the songs you dare not tell anyone you love to listen to and sing along with. These are the songs that when they come on your car stereo you turn it up and sing along. But when you stop at red light you turn the stereo down to a whisper and hum the song quietly hoping no one notices you.

I'll suck it up, tuck it in, and list my songs and invite you to do the same. I'm getting quite a few hits now so share with the rest of the world the songs you dare not let anyone know you really like.

My songs:
"Cool Night", Paul Davis: You know how it goes "On a cool night just wanna hold you by the fire light..."

"Disco Inferno", Trampps: "Burn baby Burn, burn that mother down!"

"How Deep Is Your Love", Bee Gees: What? I like the song!

and lastly...
"Fernando", ABBA: I can't help it, I'm sorry but the song just kicks ass.

Now list yours and don't worry... everyone is anonymous on the internet.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Our 130th Post!

Now that's words to live by.

Changing Sexual Behaviors

I'm a nursing student with a penis. If you didn't already know that's a fairly rare thing these days. Certainly it's becoming more mainstream, $80k to start will catch a guys attention like a woman with three exposed breasts.

Last semester I was one of 3 guys in a Psych and behavior class that dealt with health. The professor one night began talking about how to change someones behavior when it comes to sex. Instantly I'm all ears.

Professor: "Now one behavior that is always brought up is having a man use a condom. Most men would rather do without it and get right in there. How do you change this behavior?"

Now at this point the whole class were looking at each other wondering where this was going. I wanted to say "You promise him you'll make him a steak and let him fall to sleep afterwards and I guarantee you he'll wear a condom." But I didn't. Like I said I was one of 3 guys in a class of over 20. I like having my balls attached.

Professor: "Well the first thing I would suggest is to tell him about all the diseases that are out there..."
Me thinking again: "Why are you dirty whore? Those Heinekens cost me $3 a piece."
Professor: "You could also talk to him about pregnancy, the risks of, yadda yadda..."
Me thinking yet again: "Good call, gotta remember the rhythm method."
Professor: "If he still doesn't wasn't to wear a condom you could out right tell him your not going to sleep with him without one."

She stopped there and looked around the room for a response which was not forth coming. Looking frustrated she says "There is one last thing you could do to make your man use a condom. Tell him if he doesn't use a condom then he has to sleep in the wet spot for the rest of the night."

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you higher education. I gotta admit it, I wanted to buy my professor a Heineken that night.