Orange and Fuzzy

It happened completely without me knowing. I woke up one morning when I was 14 with my left foot swollen and covered in orange fur. It wasn't in any kind of pain and the fact that I could walk on it normally was quite a surprise to the team of doctors that had examined it. The scientific community had never seen such an anomaly and in the end I was told to just live with it. And that's just what I did.

Buying a pair of shoes is tough when your left foot is size 16 and your right is only size 11. It's tough to find a matching pair. Thankfully the left foot was pretty resistant to all forms of weather and temperature change so I just started walking around with it bare, or as bare as I could get it. Chicks dug the left foot. They'd paint the toenails on it and braid the fur. I would look down their shirts as they did both. When your 14 you'll take any boob shot you can get and that includes getting a pedicure on your mutant left foot if needed.

The high school football coach caught the story of my foot and when I entered ninth grade he asked me to kick for the football team. I would wallop the crap out of the ball setting state records that will stand the test of time.

I just drew a picture of the foot which I actually drew with my own left foot. Check it out.




Happy New Years Folks.

Dear Santa

I've been a good human being this year. I haven't invaded anyone's country,
knocked over any trash cans
loaded bunnies onto a rocket ship,
taken steroids to improve my home run percentage,
been traded to Denver for two first round picks and some scrubs,
zapped a lab animal with a new laser,
eaten brussel sprouts,
played World of Warcraft,
eaten at taco bell,
smacked a puppy for shitting on the rug,
eaten pizza while singing "Hey Jude",
given money to the poor,
used ebonics
read dianetics
fathered Katie Holmes child
created terrifying math problems to warp 5th graders minds with
picked up a box of cereal with a tiger on the front
punched jimmy in the belly
pinched Morgan on the heiny
downloaded any porn starring Jameson
watched one single episode of 30 Minute Meals
or called Rachel Ray a nice word
looked at Britney Spears vag shots and thought "maybe?"
.
.
.
etc
.
.
.

So in return for me being such a good boy this year I only ask for a ticket to either the Land of Make Believe or to a plane going somewhere very far away and sunny.

Thanks.

Your buddy,

k o w

SNL Actually Being Funny

Oy!

3 A.M.

actually 4a.m...

all out of hot chocolate...

Wawa is just around the corner...

(off to Wawa, will finish post when I get back)

site minimized on desktop.

Back.

Why didn't I learn to throw a baseball at an early age?

Matsuzaka is now $52 million heavier in the pockets.





Quick link to funny is right HERE

Just Prior to the Execution...