... if you came home to find your trash can occupied by a grouch?
... if you discovered that toothpaste tastes great on steak.
... if that old guy around the corner shoots at the old ladies on the block with a BB gun to get their attention.
... if you realized that all this time what you thought was green was more of a deep purple?
... if you did drink that last magarita over Jerry's house.
... if you had to do it all over again except this time stick your dick in the mashed potatoes?
... if hot dogs suddenly leaped to your rescue against the army of the hamburger squadron?
... if you opened a jar of pickles and got sucked into it.
... if the neighbors dog dug up your backyard and found the bodies you had buried there?
... if you could fly to the moon in an energy bubble powered by you whistling Talking Heads tunes.
... if you were cursed to laugh uncontrollably at others misfortune?
... if you went to Hershey Park and developed a peanut allergy?
... if you kept reading to this point and said this fucker is nuts.
... if you could swing through the trees like an orangatan?
... if you had to pick up all the dirt by hand on your carpet right now.
... if you just walked into the local bakery and started throwing pies at everyone and then paid for them all with pennies?
... if you decided that enough time had passed since you last ate lima bean yogurt?
... if you had reached this point and are shaking your head.
... if you couldn't stop reading this shit.
... if you knew k o w was just fucking with you now.
... if he said there would be a prize if you read 5 more.
... if you counted this as number one.
... if you counted this one as number two.
... number three.
... if you knew you were going to be hornswaggled today?
6 comments:
you've been drinking haven't you???? why...WHY haven't I gotten a drunk text by now???? sheesh... at least tell a girl what you've been having and how much - gotta keep up!!
I always kinda thought a pet orangatan would be kinda cool.
Lay off the crack KOW.
But now that you mention it-I wonder what would happen if I got sucked into a jar of pickles.
This is the best 'what if' exercise for writers EVER.
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i would love to throw pies at people..oh boy would i. Do you think they would make me pay?
What if kow came to my neck of the woods?
What if I went to kow's neck of the woods?
What if there was snow on the ground?
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