Bump in the Night

Around 4 am I decided to go outside and walk around . The cloudy night had completely blocked out the moon forcing me to turn on the the porch lights. So I turned to look down the side porch to see what was making a sound and saw nothing. Shot my flashlight into the woods and there was nothing there. Before I went back in I set up a video camera to catch the raccoon, possum, whatever it was making the noise outside. I heard the noise again around 4:30 am after I went inside and came out to look around. Again nothing so I checked the tape and this is what I caught...

You do not want to see the video... you wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Mowing in the Nude

Sure I mow in the nude, doesn't everyone? You know just go out to your yard, fire up the lawnmower, lose all of your clothes, turn invisible and then go about the task of cutting the grass. There was one time where the mower nearly chopped off my right foot but no one saw it since I was invisible. All they saw was the jerking motion on the mower handle .


Go ahead and say it. There are no fingers in the gloves right? Therefore I must be behind the camera in the pic taking the photo. You could be right about that actually.

Nicaragua

In 1995 I had the opportunity to spend two weeks in Nicaragua with a family in Managua. A great country that when spoken of people automatically conjure up bad images of Sandanistas with guns and drug lords. There's alot more to the populace than what the outside world thinks or what is shown to us by the media.

Anyway back to the story my time in the country was wonderful. I remember one day the mother of the family I was staying with asked me in Spanish "Es usted a casa enfermo?", which in English is "Are you home sick?" I told her I wasn't and she nodded ok and went about her way. I went out that day and ventured through the country side running into some guerillas and the such. Upon my return that night Anna, the mother, had gone out to the local store and bought a Coca Cola and some cheese and made me a grilled cheese sandwich. It was one of the most thoughtful things ever done for me.

I haven't spoken or traded any mail with them since 1998.

Believe in Ghosts?

9/something/06

Just woke up from a siesta where I was having a dream. In it I had just stormed out of a picnic where people kept eating all of the food off of my plate. I hopped in a car and started driving. Somehow I ended up on a bike and was cruising through a record store on it when a clerk stopped me. He sent me outside where there was a line of women waiting to audition for America's Top Model. So I rode my bike down the line then returned to the store and looked in the window. Through the window all of the women were being made to eat lollipops. So I turned to pedal away when a van started chasing me. Men with pig masks and bearing submachine guns started chasing after me on foot. Somehow I ran into my house and hid under the floor in a secret hideaway spot. The pigmen ran straight over where I was hiding so I opened up the trap door and was back at the picnic with another plate of food and a woman dressed in all white manning the grill.

I always wonder just what in the fuck dreams like this actually mean if they do indeed mean anything.

Ebay

Anyone ever had their ebay account invaded? That's what ebay is telling me. Apparently some fuckhead decided to hop into my account and start fucking around. I've taken all of my info off of ebay and paypal to be sure and it doesn't look like anything has hit my wallet yet but who knows.

3 for 3

For the 2006 wedding season the "author" of this here site has kept a perfect record for doing the following list at each wedding attended.

1. Wear a red shirt and tie.
2. Start the night of drinking off with a Jack and water.
3. Never finish said Jack and water.
4. Retell the story of New Years Eve 1996 to someone's date.
5. Realize that was over 10 years ago and order another beer.
6. Somehow leading the group in singing that Neil Diamond song that no one knows the name of but everyone knows the words to.
7. Get a second serving of pudding.
8. Break up a fight in the men's room between ex-boyfriends and current boyfriends.

Yup 3 for 3 this year.

Thought of the Day

If I walk into a pub and theres an angry drunken stingray at the other end looking for a fight I'm not going to fuck with her. She's bad news.

Virgin

Ever had one?
I've had two myself.
First one was terrible in bed.
She was almost a recluse when I first met her. She came up to me at a hockey game I was playing in and told me I looked like Pavel Bure. After that we dated and she and I eventually well... see the title. I was a scumbag back then and actually dumped her about 3 months after deflowering her. Something she still mentions to her friends today.

The second virgin worked out much better actually. More later.

"Weeds" Teaches Masturbation