Two virgins are just weeks away from getting married. The soon to be bride turns to her fiancee and says "Honey I want you to know before our wedding night that I have small breasts." He quickly states back "Well since we're sharing I want you to know that I'm hung like a baby."
The wedding day comes and the reception was great. As the newlyweds stand in the honeymoon suite the bride takes off her dress and asks her new husband "What do you think?" "I think they're great" he states and now it's his turn. He unzippers his pants and drops his drawers. She immediately faints and he catches her in his arms. An hour later she wakes up. "You said you were hung like a baby!" "I am my love, I'm 20 inches long and it weighs about 7 pounds."
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Stark Reality
Imagine for a second that your a doctor. Years and years of study followed by an accomplished career of healing at a clinic you helped establish. You've got a nice house in the suburbs, x amount of kids in the yard and a loving husband/wife to come home to every night. Life couldn't be better.
Than a year ago a corporate entity bought the clinic you have helped run for years. The new administration calls a meeting and demands the doctors to start prescribing only certain types of medications. "In the interest of keeping our clinic open." your told as a major pharmaceutical company is part of the ownership group now in control of the clinic. Your treatments are reviewed on a weekly basis by an accountant in another state. Your issued a report per month listing the total costs of the treatments and medications you prescribed to your patients. Your also given a list of alternative treatments and medications offered for you to start using. You know these alternatives are no where near as effective as the one's your used to prescribing but times are changing and costs matter more now than ever before.
Then earlier this week you were called in for a meeting. Everyone in the room wore a suit and had a briefcase while you showed up in scrubs, a white lab coat and a stethoscope. Your informed by the people in suits with the briefcases that your contract with the clinic you helped establish will not be renewed. Your to clean out your office by the Friday of the next week. When you ask why your told you didn't follow the set procedure for patient care. You argue you were doing what was in the best interest of the patient but your words fall on deaf ears.
Your now a doctor of 25 years out of a job. This isn't a dream, this is reality.
Than a year ago a corporate entity bought the clinic you have helped run for years. The new administration calls a meeting and demands the doctors to start prescribing only certain types of medications. "In the interest of keeping our clinic open." your told as a major pharmaceutical company is part of the ownership group now in control of the clinic. Your treatments are reviewed on a weekly basis by an accountant in another state. Your issued a report per month listing the total costs of the treatments and medications you prescribed to your patients. Your also given a list of alternative treatments and medications offered for you to start using. You know these alternatives are no where near as effective as the one's your used to prescribing but times are changing and costs matter more now than ever before.
Then earlier this week you were called in for a meeting. Everyone in the room wore a suit and had a briefcase while you showed up in scrubs, a white lab coat and a stethoscope. Your informed by the people in suits with the briefcases that your contract with the clinic you helped establish will not be renewed. Your to clean out your office by the Friday of the next week. When you ask why your told you didn't follow the set procedure for patient care. You argue you were doing what was in the best interest of the patient but your words fall on deaf ears.
Your now a doctor of 25 years out of a job. This isn't a dream, this is reality.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Hazelnutted
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Too much hazelnut coffee makes kow stay up at night writing on his site about drinking too much hazelnut coffee.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
My First YouTube
Well I think I finally got this video thing down.
Enjoy the Fuggo classic of Turtle Humping with me providing commentary.
Enjoy the Fuggo classic of Turtle Humping with me providing commentary.
Pretty Bird
This bird actually is black and a deep purple where you see blue in this photo. Absolutely spectacular in person I spent about 20 minutes with it when it finally hopped onto my finger. I didn't catch a photo of that as I was shaking like a leaf.And wouldn't you know I didn't catch the name of the bird.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Go Outside
Go.
Turn off this PC, your email isn't that important.
Reading Fuggo is only fun in the office.
So just click the start button and begin the process of shut down.
Then stand up and stretch.
Feels good doesn't it?
That's your muscles yearning for activity.
Push our chair into your desk and go put on a pair of sneakers.
Go outside and instead of hopping in your car instead continue walking past it.
You'll soon notice somethings you haven't noticed in awhile.
Like the smell of freshly cut grass.
It's summertime and now your going to enjoy it.
Instead of being inside.
I don't internet in the summertime and neither should you.
Turn off this PC, your email isn't that important.
Reading Fuggo is only fun in the office.
So just click the start button and begin the process of shut down.
Then stand up and stretch.
Feels good doesn't it?
That's your muscles yearning for activity.
Push our chair into your desk and go put on a pair of sneakers.
Go outside and instead of hopping in your car instead continue walking past it.
You'll soon notice somethings you haven't noticed in awhile.
Like the smell of freshly cut grass.
It's summertime and now your going to enjoy it.
Instead of being inside.
I don't internet in the summertime and neither should you.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The Q
I had the Motorola Q in my hand last night and ready to take home. I had been shopping for a new phone for the last month and this thing kept popping up into my head saying "Buy me". It's
the siren of cellphones. Luring you in with all of it's functions from email, to camera phone, to the ability to read Fuggo while on the road. If this phone had boobs I would have bought it. But then something happened to me. The sales guy started reading off how much it was going to cost to purchase and how much a month my plan would be. The phone was going to be $199 to buy with a 2 year agreement and then be $79.99 for unlimited net use and the standard phone plan. Then he states that the accessories are $75 more and that their Bluetooth enabled! Ooh wow I thought for a second but then I said fuck this! With the phone in my hand I turned to the guy and said I don't want it. I don't want to have the internet with me at all times. I don't need to access my email 24/7. For those of you who email me think about how often I respond to them? Exactly so why would I want that function on my phone if I'm never going to use it? $80 a month is alot of dough. I currently pay $35 a month and I'm happy with that. I don't talk on the phone enough let alone browse the internet or email enough to justify the cost.
So I handed back the phone and instead got the cheapest little phone I could find. It makes phone calls, wakes me up when I set the alarm and best of all it has the same bowling game that my old phone had. Yup in the end it was the stupid bowling game that made my decision on a new phone purchase. I'm too easy.
the siren of cellphones. Luring you in with all of it's functions from email, to camera phone, to the ability to read Fuggo while on the road. If this phone had boobs I would have bought it. But then something happened to me. The sales guy started reading off how much it was going to cost to purchase and how much a month my plan would be. The phone was going to be $199 to buy with a 2 year agreement and then be $79.99 for unlimited net use and the standard phone plan. Then he states that the accessories are $75 more and that their Bluetooth enabled! Ooh wow I thought for a second but then I said fuck this! With the phone in my hand I turned to the guy and said I don't want it. I don't want to have the internet with me at all times. I don't need to access my email 24/7. For those of you who email me think about how often I respond to them? Exactly so why would I want that function on my phone if I'm never going to use it? $80 a month is alot of dough. I currently pay $35 a month and I'm happy with that. I don't talk on the phone enough let alone browse the internet or email enough to justify the cost.So I handed back the phone and instead got the cheapest little phone I could find. It makes phone calls, wakes me up when I set the alarm and best of all it has the same bowling game that my old phone had. Yup in the end it was the stupid bowling game that made my decision on a new phone purchase. I'm too easy.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Hey wait a second...
When I was in kindergarten I remember my teacher having a male friend who she would call "Mr. Goodbody". He would come into the classroom all the time and help Ms. Cherill with her work. I was 5 years old and at the time like my fellow students took the name as his literal last name and called him that all year. We were more concerned with finger paint than we were with Ms. Cherrill and Mr. Goodbody and whatever they were working on behind the divider in the room.
So...
You know what I just realized Goodbody couldn't have been his real name. That's just what Ms. Cherrill called him! He probably had a regular last name but since Ms. Cherrill liked "working" with him so much she dubbed him a new last name.
You see this is the kind of shit I remember clear out of the blue somedays.
So...
You know what I just realized Goodbody couldn't have been his real name. That's just what Ms. Cherrill called him! He probably had a regular last name but since Ms. Cherrill liked "working" with him so much she dubbed him a new last name.
You see this is the kind of shit I remember clear out of the blue somedays.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Well...
As of June 15, 2006 I am officially a child of divorce. Pretty cool if you ask me.
This post brought to you by the letters M & D, and by the number 31.
This post brought to you by the letters M & D, and by the number 31.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Week in Review, HNT
The last five days have been non stop. World Cup, zoo trips, wanna be lesbians, and people shoving my camera in places where it doesn't belong. Here is the week so far in review.
Beer Fest!
Home made Burritos!
Bar girls return from before while I watch the World Cup.
Someone decides to take my camera and stick it up my shorts!
And to top it off get spit on by this camel at the zoo.
And it's only Thursday! Check out Osbasso for more info on this HNT deal.
Beer Fest!
Home made Burritos!
Bar girls return from before while I watch the World Cup.
Someone decides to take my camera and stick it up my shorts!
And to top it off get spit on by this camel at the zoo.
And it's only Thursday! Check out Osbasso for more info on this HNT deal.
Finally
About two weeks ago I happened to flip to the Lifetime network while looking for HBO. The movie playing had a very attractive woman in it so naturally I hung around to check her out. She was pretty hot and in the movie she began killing people for her boss so this was almost must see tv. So I'm watching it and turning away whenever Sean Young would be on the screen and in the end it was the boss who actually was behind all of the murders because she twisted her employee around her finger. It was a pretty good movie but you know what stood out most for me? Finally there was a film on Lifetime where it wasn't the man's fault. I actually jumped up and cheered.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Old School
Target Fun was just that... fun. And thanks to emulators you can now play them right on your PC. That is of course you own the original cartridge. Which of course everyone does. Atari kicked alot of ass in it's day.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Water War
Ok remember when you were a kid and it was summer time and all the other kids on the street had the brand new water gun while you were stuck watching them have a fun time? Sure you do, you were pissed that you didn't have the new water gun and Mom wasn't letting you use the hose anymore since you squirted your neighbor's kitty.
So what did you do?
Yeah turkey basters were the shit.
So what did you do?
INSERT PICTURE OF A TURKEY BASTER HERE SINCE BLOGGER HATES PHOTOS
If your were like me you went and got the turkey baster out of the kitchen drawer and filled a bucket. Hell yeah! All of a sudden instead of delivering a small, tiny stream of water to someone's shirt you were soaking the living caca out of someone with every "baster full". No one could beat you in a water war. You were king of the street, the living embodiment of water war supremacy... right up until the point your mom walked out looking for her bucket she used to mop the floors with. All of a sudden all of your friends had that newly waxed glow about them.
Yeah turkey basters were the shit.
Friday, June 09, 2006
2 Years of FUGGO
It's been two years since this website first debuted with a salsa recipe. It's been a real joy to write. It was never meant to be about anything personal about me. Instead I meant it to be a place for a daily laugh or thought provoking view. I hope I have provided these for you in the time you have been visiting here.
Today I'm welcoming in one of the most gorgeous women I have yet to have dinner with. She has kindly wriiten a small post that I found to be great for a discussion.
Le chat qui a peur
What is it that makes freedom so intoxicating? You walk away, let go and all of a sudden you're dizzy with pleasure. Accountability becomes a thing of the past – something for "everyone else" to worry about. You are responsible for you and only you and you suddenly find yourself giggling over the idea. Not in a girlish *teeheehee* sort of way, but a near delirium, barely able to contain yourself *heempf*. If anyone were to look at you at that moment of enlightenment, when you realize you are truly free, they might think you've gone completely mad – or at least, very well on your way.
So what is it for you? What is it that makes you smile and go *heempf*??
Today I'm welcoming in one of the most gorgeous women I have yet to have dinner with. She has kindly wriiten a small post that I found to be great for a discussion.
Le chat qui a peur
What is it that makes freedom so intoxicating? You walk away, let go and all of a sudden you're dizzy with pleasure. Accountability becomes a thing of the past – something for "everyone else" to worry about. You are responsible for you and only you and you suddenly find yourself giggling over the idea. Not in a girlish *teeheehee* sort of way, but a near delirium, barely able to contain yourself *heempf*. If anyone were to look at you at that moment of enlightenment, when you realize you are truly free, they might think you've gone completely mad – or at least, very well on your way.
So what is it for you? What is it that makes you smile and go *heempf*??
World Cup Prediction
Quick and simple here. Germany will win the World Cup this year. Not it's not a form of home field advantage. It's simply because I think they have the team this year to do it. Brazil is the only team that scares me so far. And who knows maybe the U.S. will show up in the final and piss off the rest of the world even more.
By the way that is me dressed up in drag on my last trip to Berlin to attend a rally. For all of you out there wanting to know just how handsome a woman I'd make here you go.
Tommorow is the 2 year anniverary of the start of this site. I won't be writing tommorow's post. Instead after two years I've decided to share this space with someone else. Wanna find out who's making the first ever guest appearance as a writer? Click a link to this site and find out.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Golf Club
In some circles I'm known as Mr. Golf for my extreme take on mini golf. Don't worry I haven't included any of the pictures from the "extreme" game here as they were confiscated by the authorities. This pic is from the 2nd hole... before the game really got started in the grand tradition. You know where clothes come off, mid-course fountain dives are a tradition and you shoot for the 8th hole by starting on the 13th. Remember there is only two rules for "Golf Club", one the beer must be cold and two if children are around then each article of clothing won from another must be removed by the 16th hole.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
6/6/06
This date reminds me of the time I played ice hockey against Satan and his team. He showed up one night in the pub drunk with power and holy water and started talking a whole hill of shit about how he could do anything he wanted. Tired of listening to him I challenged him to get a team of hellions together and play me and my buddies in ice hockey. He agreed and left to go get his team.
Two hours later me and my team were on the ice warming up when Satan and his gang walked in. "Your toast (k o w)!" he said to me and I just laughed it off. They laced up their skates and began to learn how to ice skate as we watched while laughing our asses off. "Having a problem?" I said to Satan as he held the wall while trying to get his feet under himself. "We'll still beat you and your buddies in ice hockey and then claim your souls for all of eternity!" he quipped back. "What do we get if we beat you Satan?" I asked. "" I will grant you all one wish each". It was agreed and the game was on.
From the start we just bashed the living shit out of him and his team. They couldn't skate worth a lick as there is no ice in Hell for them to practice on. By the end of the first period we had outscored them 5-0. Satan came gliding over to me and said "Listen maybe we can re-work this deal." I said no way and we continued on into the second. A fight broke out when my buddy crosschecked a hellion in the tail. The hellion couldn't swing a punch while standing in skates so our guy just punished him/it with crushing right hands. At the end of period 2 the score was now 8-0.
Satan again comes up to me to discuss the deal but I ignored him. At the faceoff to begin the third period he was punched in the face by my teammate which just started a bench clearing brawl between the teams. Horns, fists, hooves and skates all clashed in a battle on the ice. Me and my fellow mortals held our own before the fight was broken up by the refs. This was no longer a just for fun game with a little side bet. We skated harder than ever lighting up thier goalie with a flurry of shots. At the end of the game the final score was 15-0 in favor of us mortals. We had beaten Satan and his gang in ice hockey therefore getting us one wish.
What was that wish? Well we all wished to own a Taco Bell and have Satan and his staff work as it's night crew. So now when you visit the Taco Bell on Main St. and the guy frying your burrito has a tail you know why. That's Satan and he makes a mean gordito too.
Two hours later me and my team were on the ice warming up when Satan and his gang walked in. "Your toast (k o w)!" he said to me and I just laughed it off. They laced up their skates and began to learn how to ice skate as we watched while laughing our asses off. "Having a problem?" I said to Satan as he held the wall while trying to get his feet under himself. "We'll still beat you and your buddies in ice hockey and then claim your souls for all of eternity!" he quipped back. "What do we get if we beat you Satan?" I asked. "" I will grant you all one wish each". It was agreed and the game was on.
From the start we just bashed the living shit out of him and his team. They couldn't skate worth a lick as there is no ice in Hell for them to practice on. By the end of the first period we had outscored them 5-0. Satan came gliding over to me and said "Listen maybe we can re-work this deal." I said no way and we continued on into the second. A fight broke out when my buddy crosschecked a hellion in the tail. The hellion couldn't swing a punch while standing in skates so our guy just punished him/it with crushing right hands. At the end of period 2 the score was now 8-0.
Satan again comes up to me to discuss the deal but I ignored him. At the faceoff to begin the third period he was punched in the face by my teammate which just started a bench clearing brawl between the teams. Horns, fists, hooves and skates all clashed in a battle on the ice. Me and my fellow mortals held our own before the fight was broken up by the refs. This was no longer a just for fun game with a little side bet. We skated harder than ever lighting up thier goalie with a flurry of shots. At the end of the game the final score was 15-0 in favor of us mortals. We had beaten Satan and his gang in ice hockey therefore getting us one wish.
What was that wish? Well we all wished to own a Taco Bell and have Satan and his staff work as it's night crew. So now when you visit the Taco Bell on Main St. and the guy frying your burrito has a tail you know why. That's Satan and he makes a mean gordito too.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
It's the Parents...
I ran into my high school Bio teacher this weekend. After catching up I asked about the old school and how he was handling this generation of kids. "The kids are the same as they've ever been (kow) it's the parents that have changed." I asked him to explain. "You just have to see them, how they treat their kids, bow down to them as if to avoid confrontation. You need to see these parents when they come in for parent teacher meetings, they just don't give a shit." "Here they are paying close to $5,000 a year to send their kids to this school and they couldn't care less how their son is doing in his classwork."
That statement really made me think alot about the current state of this country's youth. Maybe it really isn't the kids who are flunking the class but the parents flunking the kid?
Thoughts?
(and thanks to everyone who commented on the test, the test failed. An enhanced Musical Monday entry later on. If we can get it to work.)
That statement really made me think alot about the current state of this country's youth. Maybe it really isn't the kids who are flunking the class but the parents flunking the kid?
Thoughts?
(and thanks to everyone who commented on the test, the test failed. An enhanced Musical Monday entry later on. If we can get it to work.)
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Mothra at the Pump
This is why I carry my camera with me wherever I go. Chance encounters like this just don't happen everyday. Have a great weekend everyone.
HNT: Me Time
I'm a firm believer that no one should be inside of their homes on a weekend. We're there all week, why not get out and enjoy this blue green orb while we have the chance. Even if all that means is taking your favorite horse with you to go fishing.
The HNT concept was developed by Osbasso. Visit his site to figure it all out.
Good Boy.
The Creek
Let's Fish
Whoops!
The HNT concept was developed by Osbasso. Visit his site to figure it all out.
Come here Prior Maborel.
Good Boy.
The Creek
Let's Fish
Whoops!
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