Cycle Home

Ever wanted to do something extraordinary while raising funds for a good cause? I have. In fact I ask myself just about everyday why I'm not doing something like these 2 chaps are.

Andy Clapperton and John Smith are two guys I have never met before in my life but would buy a pint for in an instant. They were both teaching English in Beijing when they decided to not take the easy way home. Instead of catching a flight or hopping on a boat they decided to let their sense of adventure lead them to make the journey home to the UK on bikes. As an avid lover of all things with pedals I can only wish I had the gumption to suck it up and take off like these two. I'm jealous frankly and when you visit the site put together for their journey you'll see why. I would probably do just about anything to have the opportunity to do something like this and I find these 2 people some of the most inspiring humans I've yet to meet.

They are raising money for Diabetes UK. We all know someone who is diabetic so we can all relate in some way to this cause. I urge you all to donate whatever you can. The lads goal is to raise 10,000 pounds (sorry don't have anything other than $$$ on this keyboard) and I'm sure they can make it happen so long as we get the word out. So send this message around to your friends and family and share with them this wonderful journey.

I have to thank Jon's brother for turning me onto this. You've been able to reach him and his blog since FUGGO started as he was a prime inspiration for me to start this monster. We may not agree on the way penguin is prepared but I like him anyway.

This will probably be the last post of 2005 here. Let's go out with a bang together and raise some money for a fine cause. Here's wishing you all the safest and happiest New Year.

HNT # 7,439

Seriously that's how many nude photos I have laying around my hard drive of myself. Most of them are from my porn days when I went by the name "Chico Gonnafiller." It was great getting paid to have sex on film. Sure some of the women should have been on the other side of the camera while others should have been flinging boar shit at a wall somewhere but I always delivered a good performance all over them. I was contracted to KY studios based here in Philly. In fact I think I still am. I don't see anything per film sold as the studio's CEO is a good buddy of mine. He squeaks by an honest living but makes a fortune in the amatuer porn field. Sex sells and those who reap the rewards are some of the happiest people I know.

Now your probably saying "k o w your full of shit! You never appeared in porn as an actor!" You may be right. May be I am full of shit, or maybe I actually did and that is why I know my ass looks fucking awesome in this pic. Yes I know I know it's the 3rd time I've submitted this photo for the HNT but it's the most requested one in emails to me and frankly I've no time right now to take another photo as I'm late for a shoot with a woman named Harletta.
Let's face it people that's the finest piece of ass ever seen on film. Now go google my porn name and see what you find. First one able to trace it to another photo out there wins something.

Big Cat Falls

It's going to be opening this Spring and not soon enough if you ask me. I've missed the big cats since they left America's first zoo over a year ago so that their new exhibit could be built. Sure there were cheetahs and a jaguar still on exhibit but they do nothing but lie there and pose for photos. Boring. At least now this new exhibit gives me the potential to get some up close shots of the beasts without bars showing up in the photo. I like that. The new exhibits will emulate the animals natural enviroment lending to a safari like experience for the guest. Sounds like everyone wins here. But what about the other animals?

Everytime I visit the zoo I always end it with the bearded pigs. The poor beasts are a little off the beaten path in the zoo and the way the crowds flow through the park very little traffic comes their way. But I like them. They're ugly and have a little stench to them but that's more the mud wallow than the beast. One of the smarter animals in the zoo they are generally pretty socialable and active except in the middle of the day in the summers. Often times you can just walk right up to their enclosure and not have to worry about other guests ruining your view of them. It's usually pretty quiet The pigs will look at you wondering why your there and not looking at some of the other more compelling animals the zoo has on display. I can't blame them for thinking that. I just wish they had a tree to catch some shade under. If only they were a big cat.

This planet of yours...

I like it. Ever since arriving here nearly 29 years ago I've grown accustomed to many of your habits like war, violence and greed. But one thing still confuses the hell out of me, snack foods. On other planets civilizations long ago gave up snack foods. They were found to be a meaningless endeavor and waste of energy to pick up and eat. Snack foods were entirely eliminated from most planets and those responsible for them were reassigned to sulphur mines. With the absense of snack foods societies flourished as citizens began to eat healthier. There was no longer a need for dieting or surgeries to shrink one's stomach thus saving billions of space credits and sending that money into research for better ways to conserve natural resources. So my message to you humans is simple, give up the snack foods or be prepared to spend your existance in this back water section of the galaxy.

Midnight Scrabble

I'm becoming more and more addicted to crafting words for points. Games.com has become a daily stop for me over the last couple of months. What first started as something to simply kill time with has become a near obsession as I learn that words like "qat" and "rax" are legal in play. I'm really enjoying the strategic game of Scrabble where you put down a word like "axe" just to ruin the other players attempt at a triple word score.

If anyone wants to play shoot me an email and I will send you my super, uber secret screenname for that site. If you beat me I may send you a T-Shirt.

Christmas Eve

Wanted to stop in after dropping off some presents to wish everyone the Merriest of Christmas'.
Before I head back to the mall (I'm always last minute) I just want to point you all to what I do every Christmas Eve.

My earliest Christmas memories are of me staying up late at night watching channel 12 here in Philadelphia watching "A Christmas Carol" hoping it would keep me up late enough to hear Santa on the roof. I honestly haven't missed a midnight showing of it in over 20 years. Originally I liked watching it because Jacob Marley's ghost scares the shit out of me in it. But now I watch it while I'm finishing up wrapping my gifts.

Back to the mall, maybe I'll stop in a store and pick up a copy of the film on DVD just in case there's a future Christmas where I'm not able to view channel 12.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Longwood Gardens X-Mas 05'

The following pictures do not do justice to one of the most beautiful places on this planet. I hope you enjoy.

Cookie guards my spot

Since the age of 2 my spot under the christmas tree has been guarded by Cookie Monster. I was given the ornament by Santa that year and since then he's been on sentry duty watching over them with big googly eyes.

My personal tradition is to not put him up on the tree until Christmas Eve. Right around 8pm that night I will unwrap him from last year's tissue paper and place him on the lowest hanging branch that is strong enough to hold him. While I'm doing it I'll probably do my famous Cookie Monster impression while drinking a glass of milk. It's tradition.

Every year since I get something with Cookie Monster on it. Slippers, pajamas, boxers you name it I've gotten it. This muppet rocks chomping away at everything that gets in his path. I love him. As I've gotten older I've grown to appreciate the innocence the blue furball posseses. I strive each year to retain that innocence myself and find each year it's getting harder and harder.

Anyone else have a personal tradition?

Christmas Baking

In the well lit aisle #11 in the local food market a christmas scene is unfolding...
Young man: Excuse me how do you bake cookies?
Old woman: Are you making them with that? (points to sack of flour and 5 bags of chocolate chips in shopping cart)
Yes I am.
Your new at this.
Umm... yup.
Listen sweetie why don't you just buy these ready made cookies.
That looks easy.
And it's cheaper.
Sweet!
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you too and thank you.

So here we are 3 beers into it and I'm prepping to bake cookies for the first time for Christmas.On the left we have Dieu du Ciel Peche Morte, on the right Troeg's Mad Elf Holiday Ale. Together these beers are working very well on my system. Another reason why I went with Ready to Bake cookies. I'm pretty well lubed in the head right now. Perfect for baking!Aren't they cute! I almost don't want to bake them and just eat them raw. But that would just be keeping them from their destiny. Bring on the trays.
All set. The tray on the right I made the cookies into a christmas tree and I wasn't even trying. I'm good at this baking shit. Into the oven at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. That gives me enough time to chug a beer, clean up, and get set for tonights nip/tuck season finale.
10 minutes later and their perfect. Lightly browned on the outside and mushy on the inside. And damn do they smell good. So there you have it. My first christmas cookies. This post is kind of lame yes but I'm drinking and I'm already into the 2nd hour of tonight's nip/tuck. The cookies are nearly gone already and I'm almost out of milk.

Speaking of Holiday Movies...

This movie has classic written all over it. Bill Goldberg was once a wrestling superstar. Now he's playing a murderous Santa Claus. This is going to be fucking awesome! Thanks to Bones for bringing this movie to my attention.
Read this description:
Santa (Goldberg) is actually Satan, who 1,000 years ago lost a curling match to an angel. For a millennia, Satan/Santa had to be a good, giving and jolly fellow. But now the bet, and Santa’s good cheer are over as the ruler of hell has a naughty list and he aims to fill it. It will suddenly dawn on police what the once beloved Santa’s modus operandi is when the map in their mock station is filled with dozens of coloured tacks indicating crime scenes. As the bodies pile up, they realize the pins on the map are taking on the shape of a Christmas tree, giving authorities a clue as to where the naughty elf will strike next.

Tonight's Christmas Film

Scrooged!

Bill Murray kicks ass in whatever film he is in and this one is no different. It's a modern Christmas classic and a film I watch every year as tradition. I had no clue it actually received an Oscar nomination in 88' until I looked it up on IMDB today. Carol Kane is perfect as the Ghost of Winter Present. Honestly if you haven't seen this movie you should run out to your local video store and pick it up. I love it, freaking love it.
Real quick... look at Bill Murray in that pic to the right here. He looks high doesn't he. You just don't get that much expression in a face unless A.) it's an orgasm or B.) you've been celebrating Christmas with some snow on your mirrored coffee table.

I'll be putting the disc into the laptop tonight to play in the kitchen as I attempt to bake for the first time ever Christmas cookies. I promise you an entertaining post to accompany tonights debacle in baking. But shit it's Christmas time so let's make buffoons of ourselves while dressed in green and red sweaters and fuzzy hats.

Scratch and Win Christmas!!!

Ok so to start off our week of nothing but Christmas I got an idea as I was pumping gas today why not play some of those scratch and win tickets put out each year very merrily? This post cost me $3 so you'd better read on to see what happens.That's them. $3 worth of Cookie Dough, the PA's lottery sure fire way to get you in the spirit of the holidays by bilking you for your cash in an effort to help the state's senior citizens. Wait don't they have Social Security already? Why do they get the proceeds from these things? Ahh who cares! I asked for 2 red and one green because green is my favorite color and it represents greed. I like greed too.

Number 1

Well we almost had $1,000 bucks to buy more christmas gifts with on this card.I scratched going left to right and as you can see I started with 2 $1,000's. I was all giddy, like a kid on Christmas morn except I unwrapped the rest of my gifts and found it to be underwear. Look at that card what a fucking tease.

Number 2

This card didn't bring the hard cheese until the end running two $20 signs out there to finish it off. The $40's were nice to see but lets face it nobody ever wins $40 on these things. There is no middle ground here.

Number 3

No luck here either. I do like the green on this card for what it's worth. Sure we just lost $3 but it was for a shot at alot more. Plus this money goes towards important things like pinnochle tables and bathing caps for senior day at the local community pool.

Merry Christmas... Next up I'm baking cookies. There's a first time for everything.

All Christmas, All Week

I'm going to be putting up so much Christmas caca this week your heads are going to feel like you just chugged back a carton of eggnog. I've got easily 15 posts ready to be published for your viewing and reading pleasure. So hang around, grab some cookies and milk, put your feet up and settle in because Fuggo just became the epicenter of your internet Christmas experience.

The Tree 05'

December, 1995

I'm not exactly sure of the exact date but I believe it was the 5th. I had run around the night before looking for a copy of Howard Stern's Miss America, and had finally found it at a video store next to copies of Bambi on VHS. I grabbed the book and headed straight home to get a couple of winks of sleep before heading out.

The weather report that day called for snow changing to periods of freezing rain towards mid-day with a high of 34. The wind chill was a "brisk" 17 degrees F, perfect short weather for me. I was in the middle of a bet that winter. I had to wear shorts everyday for a year. I didn't mind the cold so long as I was bundled up on top so I dressed for the weather accordingly. With that I set out from my home in Frankford and caught the "El" into Center City around 4 a.m.

As I exited the train in Center City I could already spot the lines forming down 5th street. Howard Stern was big in Philly and close to 15,000 fans turned out for a chance to meet him. I walked down to the line and was told the end was somewhere near 9th street. So I hightailed it and finally found the end of the line at 8th and Sansom, a good 11 blocks away from where the signing was.

It was cold, snow had landed to the depth of about an inch on the ground and my boots were holding up so far. Exposed from my ankle to just above my knee the wind wrapped it's way around my legs freezing them. "I'm an idiot" I thought as I stood there shivering my ass off for nothing more than a friggin' signature. T-shirt vendors walked the line and I bought 3 of them to use as scarfs. When the snow turned to a light rain the situation got even more lousy. Without an umbrella the rain began to permeate my clothing while ice began to form on the hairs on my legs. I looked down at one point an noticed my knees were bright red, not a good sign.

As the hours passed many people began to walk off the line. The weather had become too much for them to bear. But I stayed. Hell I had already waited 7 hours in this weather and was only a block away from meeting Howard. "Hey if the kid in the shorts is staying I'm staying!" yelled a guy behind me in line. Everyone cheered. It was great that I had become a symbol of sorts even though inside I was rethinking the idea of remaining in line every 5 minutes. It was cold.

I finally got into the store and was able to warm up some. My knees now a deep purple it had looked like someone had broken hockey sticks over them repeatedly. I walked in with my book and placed it down in front of Howard who noticed I was wearing shorts. He shook his head, thanked me for coming out and called me an idiot for wearing shorts in this weather. I thanked him, grabbed my book and walked away.

8 hours in the snow and freezing rain for 35 seconds with and an autograph by a guy I listened to everyday in the morning for 4 hours. It was completely worth it.

Sometimes I'm Godzilla

Sometimes I'm Godzilla.

Sometimes I look pretty intimidating on approach until a fish jumps out from behind me. But believe me I'm nothing but a guy in a suit.

Amazing sorta Christmas video

Fuggo Christmas Tip # 3

Fuggo Christmas Tip #2

This message brought to you by Pepto Bismal, available now and on Saturday night at the CVS next to Macy's!

Love them elves

I wonder if the elves in the North Pole ever get tired of working for Santa? The fat man gets all the credit while the elves sit around all day building XBox 360's and 20 GB ipods. Those things aren't easy to build. Santa's workshop has to be the most advanced factory in the world. It can turn out everything from rocking horses to leather jackets to bean bag chairs without a hitch. Those elves must bust thier asses night and day this time of year making sure every good boy and girl get their hands on such items as a Samsung 26" LCD HDTV. I wonder how they do the binding on the latest cookbook put out by Alton Brown of the cooking show "Good Eats"?

Those elves don't get nearly enough credit. Look at the way they put together the 8" Lapco "Bigshot" barrel for paintball guns. The elves polish the insides of those barrels so well that you hardly see a paintball break in it.

Santa has to really treat these elves well if they can craft the nice clothes seen on the racks at such stores as Banana Republic, Express, Abercrombie & Fitch, and of course J Crew.

So this holiday season let's remember all the elves who put together these fine items for us.