Now if you know me in person or have read my thoughts and comments elsewhere you know my thoughts on marriage these days. In my short time on this planet I've seen more marriages fail than survive. Maybe they've been bad examples. Maybe they just didn't give it all that they had, who knows? But the thing is that they all ended.
Is marriage even worth it? Like Kelly Monaco said a couple of weeks ago on Howard Stern about why she hasn't married the guy she's been with for 14 years..."Why fix something that ain't broke?" I've been saying that for years! Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Perfectly happy while living in "sin" all these years. Marriage it seems only fucks things up. Am I wrong?
My buddy got married 5 years ago and I was his best man. At the time he was completely in love he told me and wanted to marry her. I even stopped him on the steps heading into the chapel to ask him if he still wanted to do it and he said yes. So I stood by him as he said those vows thinking that maybe he was actually meaning these things he was saying. It all seemed like it could work. Marriage actually looked half decent!
He called me 4 weeks ago to tell me he was getting a divorce for various reasons. Most of the things he said were things I could see coming long before he ever put the ring on her finger. Now he wants to get a quick divorce so he can marry somebody else. I'll stand by him again, that's what friends do. But this time I'm going to ask him twice while walking up the chapel steps if he knows what he's doing. Or maybe I should just get him drunk and lock him in a room that day with a hooker.
17 comments:
So, he wants to quickly get out of one marriage so that he can jump right into another? DUH.
I'm never having a relationship again that lasts more than a couple of hours.
Liar, NYM! You can do much more than a couple of hours.
KOW, I don't have the answer to this one. I couldn't make it last, but even with the best of intentions it takes two people, equally committed. I don't see any reason to get married again, and doubt that I ever will, but love does some funny things to your thinking...
Can marriage be equated as a weakness?
I used to agree with your stance on marriage but now that I'm older and wiser I think that the problem lies with the reasons we get married, not actually with the institution. People get married because they think that's what they are supposed to do when they are in love. Where we go wrong is thinking that the love part, is what will keep a marriage together. For marriage to work, you need two people that can be unselfish enough, for long enough, to work hard and keep working hard, non-stop, because it never gets easy and stays easy. Most of us are selfish and we really don't have the patience to withstand all the trials and tribulations marriage brings. I think marriages can last forever, but it takes a hell of a lot of will power. That's not to say we shouldn't try, we should just be honest with ourselves about whether we're ready or not.
I've treaded this road as KoW knows all too well. It was a shady, bumpy, tension filled road, but after 9 years of marriage, we both decided that we both had things to work on.
I'm with networkchic on this one. It takes 2 fully-committed individuals to make it work. Every day you have to try something different to keep it interesting. Never, ever get stuck in a rut!
you know my stance on marrage, would I do it again prob not.... but on the flip side am I looking to get out of it, no. (thogh at a bar at night, you can wish you were.. loll)
The problem with most marrages today is people always think the grass is greener on the other side, so the slightest problem ends it(and thats akin to the beings selfish).
Well said Rammy.
I agree with networkchic. I think the first flaw is many of us get married way too young. We haven't figured out how we are yet and people change as you get older. Interests change, mindsets change. Would I get married again? Probably, if I found the right man but I refuse to settle. I totally believe in test driving first and even living with them first to make sure you can live together. I think too many times marriages end in divorce because like someone else said they think the grass is greener on the other side and the moment things get rough, people don't want to work at it and throw in the towel. I personally think you shouldn't get married until you are in your 30s. As you get older, some of the trivial things aren't as important anymore.
one of my close freinds is getting hitched next september... as bets man I'm gonna wish them the best of luck, prosperity yadda yadda, but I give it 5 years max, and I'm willing to wager it'll be his fault they divorce.
Marriage is great so long as you're really sure you've really found the right person and then never get married to that person--if you can help it. For males, it's far better to just use up all of a woman's good years and then move on to the closest nineteen-year-old.
God, I'm just posting all kinds of passive-aggressive shit everywhere today. Am I in a bad mood?
I find it odd that he wants to get right out of a relationship and into another. That just seems like a recipe for disaster to me.
As a self proclaimed romantic I have always said that marriage was not for me. Doesn't mean I haven't wanted to get married, just that I'm smart enough to realize the reality of marriage blows.
i am not even sure where to start.
this could be a post of my own.
im not sure if i should talk about why it is that people should not even be given the option of getting married before 30
or all of the things that you relinquish when you sign that paper, or the fact that as Networkchic said, people get married because they think that is whet you do when you are in love (or for some people the confusion of love vs. lust of which they seem incapable of distinguishing)or the loneliness that so many people feel.
almost all of my friends who have gotten married have eloped. They didn't care about the party. none of them. some of them, several years later STILL haven't had a party.
and right now, out of the elopers, about 90% are still married and happy.
Speaking from a recently divorced point of view... DAMN MARRIAGE IS TOUGH. I think what happened with me was for the best but now I am stuck living the rest of my life holding a bit of love inside for something that just wont work..I am not sure I regret getting marriage but I dont think I will EVER go there again
my secret is Hppy Wife Happy Life... all you need to know and do.
Exactly what Saw (em249ine)said. I think the notion of not getting married before 30 is silly. Maturity doesn't magically come at 30. There are plenty of immature 45 year olds out there. It all depends on the people involved and their ability to accept change, both in themselves and in their partner. My wife and I have been married for 9 years and are coming up on our 14th year together. We got married young (24 and 23) and have only gotten closer to one another. Sure, we have rough spots, but what relationship doesn't? That being said, marriage isn't for everyone, and I tend to agree with the "ain't broke" philosophy. If you're happy, who the hell cares if you're married?
Out of the frying pan into the damn fire! I'm a fan of coupling myself -but the whole legal marriage thing..I'm just not sure it's worth it. The only different between a couple and a married couple is a legal document -and that is the truth. I'm not too anxious to ever remarry -but I'm looking forward to being a couple again. God, no sex has really turned me into a softy!
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