A Slow Day's Tale

Once upon a time in a forest around the corner from your house lived a log. The log enjoyed laying around all day playing house with the forest wildlife and being bathed by lichens. Then one day a small boy came along and saw the log. "Wow your totally awesome log, I'm going to take you home and make you into a stool." Horrified by this thought the log yelled out "I'm bread!" The boy was stunned, never before had he heard a log cry "I'm bread". He decided to approach the log once again when he heard "I'm bread, stay away from me as I am stale avoid my crustyness". Now the boy was completely confused. Obviously this log was no ordinary log. Most logs the boy knew never said a word even when chopped by an axe. The boy picked up the log and took it back with him to his house all the while hearing in protest "I'm bread, I'm bread". When he arrived home the boy showed the log to his mother who was shocked to find the log saying "I'm bread, please release me, let me go." The mother was a devout religous woman. When hearing the log speak she could only think it was the work of the devil himself. She had had enough. The mother picked up the log and threw it with all of her might into the fire place and lit a match. The log wailed and wailed "Why, Why, I am but bread, let me out of here." That evening when the boys father got home he asked the wife why the house smelled like a bakery. She replied "I baked you a fresh loaf of bread". Hungry following a hard days work in the forest chopping logs for the local baker the father quickly tore into the loaf gobbling up all he could. Soon after he stood up from the table and said "This bread tastes like a log! I've had enough of your baking woman. Begone with you" With that he threw her into the forest where she landed on a log. As she sat there contemplating the recipe she used she heard someone say "Get off me, what do I look like? A stool?" The moral of the story is simple, it's better to read a lame, hastily written fairy tale than do actual work. If your reading this now your shaking your head. Pat yourself on the back for a good week's job done.