"More Good News"

I used to hide at the top of those steps. When we played hide and go seek we would have teams of 15 on 15 back in the old neighborhood. You could hide anywhere within 7 city blocks. If you weren't found within 20 minutes you won and then it was your team's turn to seek.

I would buy a soft pretzel and sit at the top of those stairs and shoot the shit with the bums, prostitutes, and drunks that would use the old El (elevated train) station as a spot to do whatever they did to get by. I remember one time being offered a blow job for $5 by a whore. I was 14 and considered it for about 3 seconds before realizing I only had 4 minutes left in the game and $3.

We called her "Back Alley Sally" and she would walk up and down the Avenue under the trestle with her dog offering jons whatever their fancy might be.

I drove through the old neighborhood tonight by the old El station and what do you know. Sally is still turning tricks. I guess no matter how things change some stay the same.

Testing

Quick test post. You all know what this means... this site's going audio soon.
Jon Hallur's "I Saw You Ship" from EVE Online.

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HNT- Feeding the Dragon

About 3 years ago someone left an Australian Bearded Dragon in my place. He/She has never left. That's my hand feeding him/her.

The return of the HNT to FUGGO everyone. It'll get better, trust me.
Author's note: Holy shit I'm white!

I Just Like This Pic

"Your Bleeding!"

Me: "I'm what?"
Her: "Your bleeding from your head."
That's weird.
What happened?
Well I was in the record store down at he corner debating the clerk on why I thought the Rio album was Duran Duran's best while he kept insisting that Seven and the Ragged Tiger was.
What?
Right, so we're in there debating Duran Duran when a shapely woman comes in eating an ice cream cone, a chocolate ice cream cone.
Ok but your still bleeding here now.
Right, so seeing her eating the ice cream I decided to go get a scoop across the street.
At the ice cream shop?
Of course.
Let me get you a towel to clean the blood up with.
That'd be great. So I walk in and ask for a scoop of chocolate. They ask if I want a cone but I want a bowl. So the scooper tells me they're out of spoons.
Out of spoons? Here's a towel.
(Starts wiping blood from head) Yeah they were out of spoons so I said that's ok I have one.
You carry a spoon?
Sure, ever since I nabbed it from the the ancient ruins in South America.
Huh?
So I pull out the spoon to eat with when I hear a bloodcurdling scream. I turn to see the record store clerk being impaled on the end of an Amazon's spear.
Seriously how much blood have you lost?
So I turned and ran home here ducking spears the entire way. They must have clipped me on my head with one of them.
Where are they now?
I lost them by running through Walmart.

As a reference read the FUGGO post from January 26, 2006. It's in the archives, bottom right hand corner of the page here under "Old Stuff..."

Sex at Work

When I was 19 I started working at Blockbuster Video. It was a great job for a young guy in college. Rent movies and games for free. Fuck around all night, and take home a paycheck perfect for beer and rent. While I worked there one of the assistant managers was a young woman newly engaged at the ripe old age of 22. Her fiancee was a chef at a local restaurent and they had been together for years. Me and her usually closed the store on Saturday nights and would open it the next morning. She would give me a ride home when my car was broken down and after about 6 months of working there I would give her a quick peck on the cheek when getting out of the car at night.

One Saturday night the store was dead. No one coming in or coming out so we put on a soft core porn that we had in the drama section to see what it was all about. It was tame. Scantily clad actor instead of nude and heavy rubbing instead of actual penetration shots. Well it got the 2 of us talking about sex and what we had done up to that point. We traded small stories about ourselves and you could feel the tension levels rising as did my cock. She was a freak. She told me how she loved to give head to guys and screw in public places. I was 19 and up to that point only had 3 women on my better end so I just played along. As midnight approached we started "bumping" into one another. Somehow one of our asses was always in the way of the other person. I push past her with my dick rubbing against one of her ass cheeks and she'd push by me with her chests gently rubbing against mine. I was loving it. Here was my "boss" flirting her ass off with me. I'm getting cheap feels and getting paid for it... hot!

Midnight came and I locked the doors down front while she went to the managers room to count down the drawers. After I finished returning all the movies to the shelves I went up to the office to see if she was ready to leave. I'm standing there in front of her as she was seated. "What would you have me do with that?" she asked me as I realized I had yet another boner and a case of blue balls setting in. "Whatever you want." I said back to her and she starts rubbing my cock through my pants right there in the office. "We should go somewhere where there isn't any cameras" she says. Now there were cameras everywhere in that store so we walked out of the office and scoped out a spot. the only place we figured the cameras couldn'tsee was in the horror section so we walked down the aisle where she proceeded to get down on her knees, unzip my pants, and start sucking me off like I she had never seen a dick before. She's going down deep on me as I bend over and start to pull up her shirt. It was surreal as I'm asking myself if this is really happening. The next thing I know she has one pants leg off and I'm pushing her back onto the floor ready to enter her. She pulls me in close and I enter her while looking up at the cover of Monkey Shines. I'm inside of her not wearing a rubber and not giving a shit. Here I was at work, on the clock, having sex with my stores assistant manager. After about 10 minutes we finished. We pulled on our pants, set the store alarm ,locked up and ended up screwing again in the backseat of her car in the parking lot.

When we opened the store the next morning she says " I can't believe we did that last night." I agreed. We decided to keep it our secret as a. we would lose our jobs if we were discovered, and b. we enjoyed it. We screwed around in and out of work for the next 4 months until she left to get married. I haven't seen her since.

Fanmail

Hey I just checked the Fuggo email account and I got fanmail from an unknown reader. If this is your letter fess up. The email came in from a "John". If your John I pledge to bring you more of what you came here looking for.

Check it out:

Dear Editor,

Where is the flair in your writing? It has taken a slight nose dive. Mind you it is still great but it seems to be missing the peanut in the peanut butter. The cheese on the pizza. The sour in the sour patch bears. The sweetness in the brady bunch. The sauce in apple sauce. The ice in ice cream. The nakedness in sex. soooooooooooooooo on. I am just one opinion in this crazy planet called Earth. By the way what happened to crazy articles about food sex and beer. America and Earth needs more of that.

Furthermore you should publish letters from your fans . It may boost your already great website.

Sincerely,

Devoted Reader

16 Hours of Gaming

Between Atlantic City, my XBox 360, and a few rounds of Scrabble with family I spent 16 hours this past weekend playing a game of some sort.

Does that make me a player?

"So is there a secret?"

Older Gentlemen: Not really, if I had one piece of advice to pass along it would be to not take shit seriously.
Me: Interesting.
See that's exactly what I'm talking about right there.
What's that?
Your thinking about it right now, rolling it over in your head looking for something more from it.
Well maybe.
Don't.
Why not?
Because then your taking my advice way to seriously.
I raise.
I call.

The old bastard taught me a lesson at that poker table last night. I'll never understand why here in the western world we don't covet our senior citizens. Many look upon them with pity and indifference. Their our greatest natural resource and their being wasted.

And Speaking of Fine Wines...

My favorite rocket scientist launched his blog today. I recommend you all make him a daily stop.

The Launch Pad


Also I've gone and included everyone who blogs under one title, "Get Your Blog On". If your not listed and wanna be send me a message by carrier pidgeon.

Some Wine with your Porn?

Savanna Samson makes wine!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060322/od_nm/porn_wine_dc

I'm buying a bottle.... if I can find one.

HNT- "Hey Nerds Thursday"

Hey Nerds.
It's Thursday.
Time to expose yourself just a little.
Maybe a breast.
Maybe a cock.
Maybe you hand doing the laundry.
Maybe your hands wrapped around an XBox controller.
Perhaps your exposing just a little bit of your inner thigh.
Or your painted lips.
Maybe your showing off your sweet behind.
Maybe your showing a picture from your past
Your life in rewind.
On the internet everyone's a voyeur
a model
or a poet
but let's face it
deep down inside
we're all nerds
and we love it.

Oblivion

I stole a horse last night. I didn't mean to do it. See I was walking, actually more like hopping, around the country side minding my own business when I came up on this small inn. Outside of it was this black stallion. Regal in a way only a horse can be I walked up to it when all of a sudden I was asked if I wanted to ride? Sure I did and so I hopped on it's saddle and the enxt thing I knew I had a guard slashing at my left boot. I reared the beast around and took off down the road. About 300 yards down the road I could see a torch light. Another guard was waiting fo me so I just galloped past him but now he was in hot pursuit. Over hills and through streams me and my steed ran. As I turned around I could see that now 5 guards were onto me and closing. The horse showed no signs of tiring so I continued on.

After about 20 minutes of running I turned to find no one there. I had escaped. I looked to the west to see a small town unfolding through the early morning fog. I sped the horse towards the town awaiting whatever adventure lied ahead.

Now what do I call my horse? I like Oblivion.

The brutality...

I was attacked by a jelly powdered donut. I walked in to the kitchen this morning to find it staring at me from the counter. I got closer to inspect it when suddenly it lept into my hand and started charging for my mouth. I couldn't run and before I could scream for help it was in my mouth. So I fought back. I started chewing the donut until all of it's strawberry filled insides were everywhere. After about 3 minutes the battle was over. I was victorious. It was the first time a jelly donut had attacked me since 1998.

So remember when a jelly donut attacks you your only defense is to eat it.

Writing about not writing

I really don't feel like writing anything today. There is nothing on my mind that would warrant a post here. Zip... zilch... nada. Nope nothing to write today.

Ever have one of those days? Where the sun is out and it's just a little cold outside. You want to be out there doing smething, anything but what your doing. That's me right now.

Enjoy your mondays. If your going to reply I challenge you all to do it in haiku form.

Hangovers

Hangovers suck. Especially when you came home last night drunk and horny. You went and took a piss, brushed your teeth and then went to the bedroom ready to get laid. But what did you do? Well first you kissed a couple of spots and then you passed out between her boobs.

Now it's the next morning, you have blue balls, and the hangover just won't fucking quit.

But you did score a growler of Dogfish Head's Verde Verde Good naturally green beer. So you did score in a way.

Is that sausage I smell? Holy shit it's bangers and mashers!

Happy Have Drunk Sex with Someone Irish Day

That is all.

EDIT:

Folks I'm having difficulty viewing the site here it won't load for me whatsoever so I ask that if you can see this please send an email to me at fuggo@comcast.net . I think I may have suffered a fate much like Mr Hand over at the Wicked Truth and if that's the case then this site is going to suffer a slow, painful death.

The Quote From The Bottom Of The Page.

Not sure how many of you ever make it that far down this page so I'm bumping the quote I have there. My father hung this very quote above my bedroom doorway and it hung there until I took it down the day before we sold the old house. It's in a box somewhere in the garage and will be going up over my childs bedroom doorway when I get the chance to do it.

I read it everyday still, and kick myself afterwards for not listening to it.


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."- Mark Twain

Zorse!

What do you get when you crossbreed a horse with a zebra? A zorse of course.

Freaky! I've heard of Tigons and Ligers before but this combination never even crossed my mind until I ran into it just now. What horse lover wouldn't want a horse with a coat that pretty? I think scientists need to raise an entire herd of these things and fuck mother nature right in the ass while laughing at her. She in turn would get really pissed off that mankind had screwed with her creations and would create an elephant/dog combination that would shit a ton on the scientist's front lawns. Elephant dogs would eventually become domesticated by man and we would use them as beasts of burden to turn our fields following Armageddon. Armageddon? That'll be the day mother nature wipes us out with a huge flood because we domesticated her elephant dog.

Google "zorse" for more images. I could have posted hundreds but opted for just one. Consider it a research project for good conversation the next time your out with friends for dinner. They'll tell you about thier kids and you'll say "Ever heard of a zorse?" Boom your the life of the table. Your getting meals comped, free drinks, and now your getting in the club via the VIP door.
And remember you owe it all to us here at FUGGO. .

Ipso Facto

Joe: Are you watching Gilmore Girls?
Mike: Yes I am now shoosh.
Shoosh?
I can't hear Rory.
Guys don't watch Gilmore Girls.
Well I do.
Then you must be gay.
This coming from the guy who stayed in Saturday night with his girlfriend because he wanted to watch Dirty Dancing.
Joe's girlfriend: Oh and he sewed while we watched it.
You sewed?
My pants had a hole in them. What?
Your giving me shit about watching Gilmore Girls yet you stayed in on a Saturday night to watch Dirty Dancing while you sewed?
Touche'.

When Blogger Fucks Up...

Fuggo dissappears.

This again is only a test.

People who steal our air

This is the start of a new series here at FUGGO. It's entitled "People Who Steal Our Air."

First up is Vernon Robinson. Click here to find out why.

Short Post Today

Called out sick.
It's 77 and Sunny in March.
And I am totally addicted to...
Smallball.

Yup that's Team Fuggo going at it. Look up team 217932 to see how our site's official baseball team is doing. Hell if you want I'll even let you readers name the players.

I'm going out to the first tee.

New Lobster Discovered!

I love this kind of shit. When entire new species are discovered I think it's just terrific. I wonder how this thing would taste dripping in butter? Have a good weekend everyone.

Pebbles

I was invited to dinner last night and seeing how I only had a cupcake for lunch I eagerly said yes to the invitation. Her place was a little out of the way, close to 50 miles off my usual commute but I was hungry and figured a good cooked meal was well worth the drive. So I pull up to her house and she greets me at the door wearing nothing but a black, lacy teddy. Dinner was now the furthest thing from my mind naturally. I stepped into the living room and put my arms....

(fast forward an hour)

As I'm drying off from the spa I looked up and asked her what is was she prepared for dinner as I couldn't smell anything. "It's on the table, go help yourself." Excited I ran naked to the kitchen to find a box of Fruity Pebbles cereal and 2 bananas waiting for me.

Frankly the night couldn't have been any better.

Quiz Time Hot Shots

First person to correctly name the following 4 Muppets from Sesame Street fame gets a No Prize. Everyone knows these muppets, we all grew up with them, but do you know their names?
If no one guesses correctly by this evening I'll reveal the results.

Yes I know I know this is an incredibly lame post. But this is what happens when your out late the night before at the pub playing Quizzo until 12am.

Answers in order"
Prairie Dawn
Sherlock Hemlock
Bruno
Amazing Mumford

A new personal record...

Count them,
7
seriously seven
I ate 7 frigging hotdogs for lunch today.
with mustard
and relish
I'm off to barf now.

If your one of the few that stop by these pages and know me personally (both of you) then you know my penchant for hotdogs. I eat them all the time. Love the things. Boiled with mustard and relish on them their just about my favorite meal outside of steak and mashed potatoes. There have been times where I've eaten 8 hotdogs in one day but never more than 6 in a sitting. People are amazed when I eat them all as I'm not fat or even remotely heavy. I just like the things. Certain studies have found that eating them is actually healthy for you. I don't think they are but even if I knew they were slowly killing me I'd still eat them.

Baseball season can't get here soon enough, I love those dollar dog nights at the Phillies.

WTF?

Click here then return to discuss.

Write a Caption

Yes it's that time again for you the reader to post up a caption for the following picture. Enjoy.

Lent

Her: So what are you giving up for Lent this year?
Him: Huh?
Your Catholic right?
Not since Tuesday.
Oh I'm sorry.
No it's ok you see I gave up Catholicism for Lent.
What does that mean?
It means I can have steak on Friday for dinner.
But that would be a sin.
Only if your Catholic.
But you are Catholic.
Not if I gave it up for Lent.
Explain.
I can jerk off now without worrying about God watching me. It's great! True I don't get that voyeuristic feeling anymore but at least I know I'm not technically sinning.
Your crazy, what exactly goes on in your head.
Honestly I don't know.

I thought this thing was portable?

For all of you ipod nuts out there.

Fuck You Carmine's Pizzaria!

Fuck you Carmine's Pizzaria in Newtown Square, PA, 19073.

Your service fucking blows. First the fucking bitch, yes I said bitch (I originally wrote the C word) of a hostess sits me and my dinner guest in a booth and throws menus at us both. Puzzled we laugh it off and wonder if her life is so fucking pathetic that she might get off being ignorant to guests of your "restaurant". We guess it is. So we sit there in your place reviewing your menu for now get this... for 15 fucking minutes without any of your scuzzy whorely dressed wannabe waitresses even stopping by our table to say hello or to get us a beverage. What is that? Is that your brand of customer service? Fuck you I say! And then to top it off when another 2 people are sat in the booth next to us they are served almost immediately! I couldn't believe it. The waitress walks by us for 15 minutes without so much as offering us a goddamn motherfucking soda yet she waddles up to them as soon as they sit down. That was what made me angry. Your little slut (yes she's a slut now too) goes and serves those 2 before I even got a hello. That's fucking bullshit. So thats when my guest says she wants to leave and I am all for it as well. So in case if your wondering why I stood up and threw your menu back onto the table resoundingly thats why. Also in case you were wondering why I asked for a manager before I left it was more because of that fucking C word of a hostess tells me and I quote... "there is no manager here!" Do I look like a fucking idiot? That is why I walked up to your main counter then and asked to speak to your night manager. "Who?" I am greeted with. Now incensed beyond a degree I rarely ever get to I smash my hand down on the counter swearing to your entire staff that I would never return to your establishment again. As I turn to leave that is when your "manager" gets off of her ass to try and correct the situation. Too little too late sweetheart. Go back to stuffing your face with the busboy's cock.

Fuck you Carmine's Pizzaria.

A Slow Day's Tale

Once upon a time in a forest around the corner from your house lived a log. The log enjoyed laying around all day playing house with the forest wildlife and being bathed by lichens. Then one day a small boy came along and saw the log. "Wow your totally awesome log, I'm going to take you home and make you into a stool." Horrified by this thought the log yelled out "I'm bread!" The boy was stunned, never before had he heard a log cry "I'm bread". He decided to approach the log once again when he heard "I'm bread, stay away from me as I am stale avoid my crustyness". Now the boy was completely confused. Obviously this log was no ordinary log. Most logs the boy knew never said a word even when chopped by an axe. The boy picked up the log and took it back with him to his house all the while hearing in protest "I'm bread, I'm bread". When he arrived home the boy showed the log to his mother who was shocked to find the log saying "I'm bread, please release me, let me go." The mother was a devout religous woman. When hearing the log speak she could only think it was the work of the devil himself. She had had enough. The mother picked up the log and threw it with all of her might into the fire place and lit a match. The log wailed and wailed "Why, Why, I am but bread, let me out of here." That evening when the boys father got home he asked the wife why the house smelled like a bakery. She replied "I baked you a fresh loaf of bread". Hungry following a hard days work in the forest chopping logs for the local baker the father quickly tore into the loaf gobbling up all he could. Soon after he stood up from the table and said "This bread tastes like a log! I've had enough of your baking woman. Begone with you" With that he threw her into the forest where she landed on a log. As she sat there contemplating the recipe she used she heard someone say "Get off me, what do I look like? A stool?" The moral of the story is simple, it's better to read a lame, hastily written fairy tale than do actual work. If your reading this now your shaking your head. Pat yourself on the back for a good week's job done.

Motivational Poster

I just quickly doctored this up this a.m. after being inspired by a website about giant robots. Make up your own and post it on your site. It's easy to do with just MSPaint really needed.

Decipher this Dream

Ok so I woke up this morning remembering this wacky dream I had last night but can't quite make out what, if anything, it could possibly mean.

It starts off I'm in Atlantic City. I'm getting off the bus and walk into the hotel and greet three of my childhood friends. We go to our room and meet up with two of the guys girlfriends in the hallway. Since the girls are staying in the room me and a buddy are now forced to sleep in the hallway. So I'm on a cot in the hallway when I turn to see a small Spanish man running by holding shoes screaming "Boros! Boros!" I get up and look to see he stole someone's shoes. I go into my friends room and yell at them for stealing the shoes because the hotel security is going to blame me for it. Suddenly someone says "Let's go sledding!" so we all walk outside where now it's a winter wonderland.

We are standing at the very top of the hill with sled runs on both sides of us. I say I'm going first and proceed to hop on a piece of cardboard box covered in a trashbag and make my descent down the hill. Halfway down the hill a red freight train comes rumbling through at the bottom of the sled run. I'm doomed so I roll off the sled and watch it slide under the freight train.

Then I hear someone say "Run!" I turn to see everyone running from what appears to be a small town sheriff looking guy. I begin to haul ass. I'm running up the hill when I'm cornered by the sheriff and his deputies. "No one is allowed to have fun here, they need to play hockey!" He says to me. I say back "Well I can show the people of this town that hockey can be fun but I'm going to need help." All of a sudden Wayne Gretzky slides in on a piece of cardboard covered in a trashbag. He's wearing a NY Islanders jersey and that strikes me as weird. So me and Wayne hop on the ice and all of a sudden every resident of the town are watching us play hockey but they don't seem too happy about it. "Hey Wayne" I say, "I think we need to eat hamburgers to make hockey fun for the people." Wayne Gretzky agrees and we start to eat hamburgers while playing hockey much to the delight of the crowd.

The End

Now please help me in deciphering whatever the hell this dream is supposed to mean? I'll take any theory you have.

Bounce-o-meter

You could say this is proof why the internet kicks ass. Sorta NSFW but definitely worth risking a click for. Ladies and Gentlemen I present the Bounce-o-meter.

Big thanks, like FF size thanks to Ram.