"Come on down!"

Rod Roddy had called my name! Fuck yeah and I raced down to contestants row to begin bidding on some fantastic chinaware and a new silverware set. "$750" I yelled when Bob Barker asked me what I thought the actual retail price was. After asking the three losers to my left he said "and the actual retail price is $760, (k o w) you win! Fuck yeah!

So I'm up on stage with Bob. I act like I'm going to kiss him on his cheek and when I lean in I instead tap him on the ass. Bob's eyes widen as he begins to tell me I'm about to play Plinko. "Fuck" I say but this is the game fate has dealt me. So I play the easy little pricing game to earn my chips and away I go to the top of the gameboard. With lights now beating down on my skull with a heat only seconded by the sun I look to the crowd to see where I should drop my first chip. "Left", "Right", "Up" these fucking morons have no clue so I lay the chip down and it lands in the $5,000 slot. Fuck yeah! 3 more chips, 3 more landings in the same slot. $20,0000 for dropping a a silly chip down a board.

I'm escorted back stage where I'm lead into a lounge fully stocked with liquor to await my turn at the big wheel thingy game. Right on! 30 minutes pass and they call me, Susan from Kansas, and Tom from USC out to the stage. They spin first. Susan goes over a dollar because she got greedy. She could have stayed at 70 cents and been alright. Tom get's 85 cents on his first spin and is quite happy. I get up there and on my first spin you guessed it $1! "Bonus spin motherfucker" and I point Tom from USC off stage with a look reserved only for coked up professional wrestlers. I miss on the bonus spin but that's okay as Bob just told me I'm in the showcase showdown at the end of the show.

Back into the lounge I go. One of Barker's Beauties comes up to me and asks if I can help her snap her bikini. Of course I help and she shoots me a look begging for more. She'll get it after the show but I suspect I'm going to need alot of money.

Showcase showdown time. Myself and Emily, the little old white lady originally from Krakow but now of Dothan, Alabama are the only 2 left. I'm going to destroy her. She won a car her first time up so she goes first and has the option to bid or pass. After watching her showcase she decides to bid $37,000 for a trip to Morrocco, a grand piano, and waterskis. Fucking idiot and I tell her that even though they cut my mic. Now I'm up, first up is a new washer and dryer, next is a trip to Lake Tahoe, and lastly a car! A brand new Honda Accord. Sure it's got 4 doors but I'll take it. Now it's time for me to bid. Seeing as how the dope next to me grossly outbid I tell Bob in a jovial voice $1.

I win. She went over. Sure I was off by $24,000 but who cares. The models come to hug me while Bob controls the pet population. Life is good and then suddenly I hear the alarm clock. Fuck it's Friday morning and this was all a dream.